oh hey

Premeditated Violence

2012-01-25T17:57:00.000-07:00

So basically, Lie to Me is one of my favorite shows of all time.

I've only ever seen it (every episode available) on Netflix, but from what I understand it doesn't do too bad for itself in the real world of TV either. The characters run a lab dedicated to detecting lies through facial expressions in order to solve mysteries/get criminals to confess/find missing persons, etc.

It's based on Paul Ekman's real-life study on mapping and reading the facial expressions. Some expressions are believed to be universal to human emotion, regardless of cultural context. Throughout the show, scenes are punctuated by flashing pictures of public figures displaying the same expressions as the characters in the episode.

For example, scorn looks like this:

And guilt looks like this:

And contempt looks like this:

Etc. It's awesome. I hate liars, and I love this show.

Anyway. Now for my story:

I was working out the other day (read: going running for the first time in 2 months), and although it was a little rough, I thought I was enjoying myself. I go to the Provo Rec center, which is pretty small and a little shabby, but I love it all the same. I was on a treadmill right next to a wall with floor to ceiling mirrors. For the most part, I avoided eye contact with myself because working out isn't a pretty color on me.

HOWEVER. I looked at the mirror at one point, and I actually recognized the facial expression I was unconsciously making. I had been exposed to it a few times while watching Lie to Me. It looked a little something like this:

Seriously. The first girl in the frame could have been my work-out face twin.

This still flashed into my mind as I was looking at myself in the mirror, and I scared the crap out of myself and almost lost my balace on the treadmill.

Why, you ask? Aside from being a little shocking in and of itself, this expression, my friends, appears only on the faces of people intending to commit premeditated acts of violence. Like murder.

No joke.

So according to Dr. Ekman, working out makes me want to kill people. Doesn't sound too far off.

The End.

P.S. The internet at my house stopped working, so I have to blog in a lab on campus. My life is really hard.

P.P.S. The kid next to me is presently picking his nose and looking at it. I heart BYU.

Anon

2012-01-18T21:17:00.000-07:00

I used to think that "Anon" was the name of some wise ancient sage.

Back in the days of dial-up and before the glory days of google... I used to browse archaic websites filled with clever or inspirational quotes. I did this so that I could put them on my AIM profile..... so that everyone on my buddlylist would think I was sohpisticated.

Man. Those were the days.

So anyway, I would find a quote that looked like this:

"The sun only shines on the faces of those who are looking skyward" - Anon

And I would think to myself.... "Wow... that Anon character must be really deep."

Seriously.

Even if half the quotes on the page was written/spoken by "Anon" .... it never occured to me that "Anon" was actually just short for "Anonymous."

It was kind of like finding out Santa wasn't real...but as a freshman in college. I don't think I've completely recovered from my shock combined with the realization of my own stupidity. I just remembered that situation and needed to record it for posterity.

I am also on a lot of cold medicine right now. So. Maybe that was a boring story. I have no way to tell.

My Lifetime Resolutions

2012-01-16T11:45:00.000-07:00

I would call these New Year's resolutions, but let's face it, many of these things cannot be perfected (or properly attempted) in one year.

I'm going to be working really hard on the following things starting this year. I would like to:

Not say anything to embarrass myself in public. And when I say "embarrass myself" what I really mean is not say anything that give me away as an idiot person who still has a lot to learn about life. I have strong opinions... and sometimes... those opinions stem completely from ignorance or a lack of understanding. So I guess this resolution is more of a wish than a goal. But. I shall try to not be an idiot.

Surround myself with fewer annoying people.

Be less easily annoyed by people. This goes hand in hand with resolution number 2. If I'm less easily annoyed... everyone who annoys me will disappear. Like Honest Abe once said:

"I destroy the people who annoy the crap out of me when I make them my friends."

That's a direct quote. I read it in his diary. Moving on.

Eat fewer processed foods. I miss the days when bread was made out of wheat... not chemicals. And when I say I miss those days, what I really mean is that I would have no idea what those days must have been like were it not for my lovely former roommate Rachel. She ground her own wheat (I saw it with my own eyes) and the bread she made was the most delicious bread any human has ever consumed. I'm going to try to buy fewer foods that I could easily make myself.

Eat less fast food. I've already sworn off burgers from fast food places (go me, and thank you Food, Inc.), but I'm going to have a hard time giving up chicken-bacon-swisses from Arbys. And curly fries. Mmmmm curly fries.

Buy less stuff.

Make more stuff. Thanks to pinterest, I truly believe it is possible to fill a home with more homemade items than store-bought items without it looking or feeling Amish. seriously. Name one home furnishing you cannot find on pinterest with an attached do-it-yourself tutorial. I dare you.

Find a job in a place where winters don't turn me into a frosty biznatch. I'm sure I'll blog about that later.

Keep my car clean. I really, really love having a car free from crumbs and dirt and clutter.

Downsize my wardrobe and get rid of any possessions I don't need. I've already started this process. I think I must have D.I.ed at least half of my clothes last week. Onward and upward.

Be a kinder person.

If I don't stop myself I'll just keep listing things forever. I think this small chunk of goals is fine for now.

Tights from Ross

2011-12-20T10:18:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to get some good tights to wear to work lately. It's freezing outside but I always wear skirts to work for lack of work pants. Even when I'm wearing boots, there is a vulnerable region of leg left exposed from my mid-calf to the top of my knees. In the fall this was fine... but now it's unbearable.

So, thinking I was being ridiculously clever and frugal... I decided to buy tights at Ross. I'm not made of rubies OKAY?!?

I searched through the socks and tights section for seriously at least an hour before settling on a couple pairs. I didn't want tights that were too see-through, or a weird color, or a weird design, let ALONE the peril of too-small tights.

Too small, you ask? Aren't tights stretchy, you say?

Yes. They are. But there comes a point where the tights are just too tight or too short to pull up all the way..... and Ross is not super keen on organizing their tights by size. Nevertheless, I was fairly certain that I had been victorious.

After paying for my super cheap and awesome tights... I stole away to go home and try them on. What would the world be like if we could try tights on before buying them? It would be a creepy place. I don't want to buy any item of clothing if someone ELSE has already stretched it over their body like skin. Gew. Double shudder.

As I tried on each pair of tights... I realized that Ross had fooled me. The size label on the package didn't match any of the tights. And, I know I'm not just making excuses... because one of the pairs in a two-pack was actually a pair of Ralph Lauren tights... and the other pair was who-knows-what brand.... and neither of those brands were the brand listed on the label. So, I basically searched for tights for an HOUR just to buy the wrong size anyway. Awesome. The other pack was the same story. CURSE YOU ROSS! ... just kidding. I love you.
So... the tights-trying went a little something like this:

1st pair..... No brand.... floral design. EXCEPT. All floral designs kind of look the same before you put the tights on so you have no idea what you are actually getting. I was lucky enough to get some sort of weird tribal-cheetah design. And they were too small. Which exacerbated the problem. It looked like I had Mike Tyson tattoos all over my legs. Sick.

2nd pair..... Ralph lauren.... Fit like a dream. Of course they do, Ralph. Of course. Bless you.

3rd pair... No brand. Too short. Mary Poppins penguin pants crotch syndrome. No Bueno.

4th pair.... Weird color. I thought gray tights would be cute. But.... they are completely opaque. So I looked like the gray-leggins jogger. The gray-leggins jogger is some guy that jogs around provo wearing nothing but extremely tight heather-gray leggings and a shirt. It scars my soul every time I see him. One time he jogged right past me on the sidewalk and it was one of the most awkward social experiences of my life. LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS, GRAY LEGGINGS JOGGER!

The moral of the story is... don't buy 4 pairs of tights at ross instead of buying one pair of nice tights... because you will spend the same amount of money and still only get one pair that works.

The Magical Thing from Pinterest.

2011-12-14T11:51:00.000-07:00

Okay... so... There is this thing floating around on pinterest claiming that dawn dish soap and hydrogen peroxide can remove yellow stains from white shirts.

I am here to tell you that this claim is completely and utterly TRUE.

I tried it. Just like the lady's blog said I should... go HERE .

And the yellow deoderant stains disappeared. It really. was. magic.

Maybe you don't care because your genetics don't predispose you to overactive sweat glands... but mine sure do.

I did notice that the older the shirt was... the harder it was to get it completely clean... but just the fact that MOST of the stain was gone on my ancient undershirts amazed me.

So. Go forth and remove your pit stains.

This actually wasn't on the list of things I need to blog about....

2011-12-13T19:41:00.001-07:00

At one point on the freeway today, I was surrounded by 4 or 5 huger-than-necessary trucks. At first I was disgusted.... but rather than continue to judge the likely wasteful and lamesauce drivers... I began to imagine what those huge trucks might actually be needed for. I came up with the following list of legitimate reasons to own a HUGE arse truck. All other excuses are bull crap.

Huge truck legitimacy:

1. The driver is literally 8 or 9 feet tall. I wouldn't judge Yao if he stepped out of one of those.

2. The driver lives on a farm and uses the truck to do farm-like activities such as hauling huge quantities of hay, or maybe a small livestock trailer. I support agrarian America.

3. The driver has invested heavily (get it?) in gold bars, and, not trusting anyone, routinely re-hides his stash of gold in various locations to keep it safe. It takes a big truck to move that much gold that regularly. (Ron Swanson?)

4. The driver has recently adopted a baby elephant with significant medical issues, and must use his huge truck as a means of taking the giant pup to and from doctor visits. Bless his heart.

5. The driver made that truck himself, for free, and it happens to run on fairy dust, which is also free and doesn't pollute the planet.

6. The driver owns a large sea vessel that can only be towed with an gargantuan vehicle. Like a Spanish-galleon sized vessel.

7. The driver is very, very short and has a rare medical condition which requires him to drive standing up.

8. The driver is an avid civil-war reenacter who owns a few cannons and likes to take them out on the town every now and then.

That's all I got. I'm going to go out on a limb and say my freeway-mates don't fall into any of those categories. But... imagining a baby elephant in the back of one of them kept me from hating them all while I drove. So... it's fine.

Note: your truck probably shouldn't look bigger than your house. Ever.

It's been really difficult for me to refrain from using a certain word in this post. It rhymes with "swoosh-bag" ... I'm tempted... but I'm really trying to quit. Anyway, those are classic swoosh-bag tires.

The homey driving is wearing white sunglasses. The mark of the swoosh. Ps forget his license plate number...

I'm sorry... is that a tiny bass boat? Ya............................................. No.

It's sad. k BYE.

So many things I want to blog about...

2011-12-13T10:54:00.000-07:00

BUT I DON'T HAVE TIME.

This blog is a place holder..... for blogs on the following subjects:

Rogue altos in the christmas program

Tights that are supposed to fit.

Guys who work at pharmacies

Taking Finals

Idiot things boys have said to me

Super offensive relief society activity

QUILTING MANIACALLY

Wearing socks when it's cold... and other such wintry things

My new life plan

Christmas times

The thing from pinterest that worked fo real

A tribute to my 400th post 18 posts ago

Black friday fabric shopping

And.... whatever else I think of. It'll happen some day.

This is probably what it feels like to be completely high.

2011-11-29T22:42:00.002-07:00

This is a really long blog.

Sunday night / Monday morning I woke up with a horrible migraine. I don't know if any of you have ever been shaken from your slumber by something that feels like a porcupine had babies in your brain, but it really was not a pleasant experience. I was awake from like 2 something in the morning until 5 something in the morning. At first I was so tired that I didn't really understand what was happening, and had no reasoning skills... so I didn't take any medicine for like an hour. It's like when you have to pee in the middle of the night but you hope the feeling will just go away because you are too tired to pee. It always ends the same way. You wet the bed. Just kidding. Hopefully you don't. I never have. Anyway. It always ends up that I eventually get out of my bed to go to the bathroom, but only after I have been trying to avoid it for an hour. And then I'm all cranky because instead of losing 5 minutes of sleep I've lost a lot more trying to ignore my bladder.

Anyway. It was kind of like that. So when I finally turned on my light to find some headache medicine, I beheld a mammoth arachnid building a fort on my wall behind my lamp. I hadn't seen any spideys for a while because Gma and Gpa Booth gave me a no-pest strip that pretty much bombed them all a couple weeks ago, but I lent it to a friend who ALSO lives in a basement.

Long story short, I panicked so I grabbed my aerosol hairspray and started spraying. I felt kind of like Mr. Freeze because the nasty nast was soon encased in an ice-like maximum hold shell. Then he fell off the wall. I was satisfied. I then took 1000 miligrams of generic Tylenol, gave the spider an extra spray for good measure, emailed my boss to tell her I might be late the next morning, and got back into bed.

I woke up about an hour and a half after my shift at work began, but my headache was gone so I jumped out of bed and got to work quicker than I usually do.

I had a ton of energy, and I was in a really good mood. I stayed a little late after work to make up some hours, and then went to my first class which I enjoyed immensely. Right after class I decided to go to the grocery store because I had nothing to eat.

That's when things got a little weird.

For whatever reason, I bought two six-packs of Ramen, two boxes of oatmeal, protein shakes (for which I had a coupon) and some cabbage.

This is abnormal. I think my thought was that I needed to spend as little money as possible, and that I wanted Ramen, but it wasn't nutritious enough, so I bought some shredded cabbage to put in it? Abnormal. Oh. I also bought a toffee almond symphony bar because I just felt like it okay!?

Anyway. I went home and made Ramen (with cabbage) and ate it. It wasn't too bad. That was abnormal as well.

I went to my second class, met with my group for a group project... and then I went to buy gummy bears in preparation for our FHE gingerbread house competition. They only had sour gummy worms... so... I ate them all in the car on the way to FHE. That actually wasn't abnormal. When we got there, my roommate and I decided to make a pyramid out of graham crackers. I kept failing, so I then spent a considerable amount of time making a camel out of lemon heads, red vines, and toothpicks. Slightly abnormal. But not completely.

I then drove off to target on a whim looking for no pest strips. I found none. I then stared at a jumbo sized lint roller, debating whether or not I needed it, for far too long. No seriously. For like 10 minutes. This was abnormal. Even for a migraine brain.

I finally ditched my cart and the lint roller and went to Walmart instead. Got spidey killer. I got home... parked my car and finished the burger I had picked up on the way home. BUT instead of going into my house, I started driving to the grocery store because I had an intense desire to eat a chocolate pudding pie. This kind:

Although I do love these and have since childhood, this was also abnormal.

Sooooooo I went to smiths for the second time... and even though I had an awesome parking spot... Smith's did not have any home run pies. Since my gas light had been on for an unknown amount of time, I stopped at the smith's gas station sans home run pie to fill up. This was not abnormal.

This is when things got really, really weird.

I pulled up to a gas pump on the passenger side of my car, but then I thought to myself: "I am crazy, the gas pump is on the driver's side... duh" so without getting out to look, I drove over and repositioned my car next to a different pump. But that felt wrong, because I suddenly remembered that the gas tank is on the driver's side on all my parent's cars... but not on my car. So I turned around and pulled up to the THIRD gas pump of the night and pumped my gas. This was abnormal. It also took me a very long time to position my car parallel to the pump.

As I was pumping my gas, I began to reflect upon my strange behavior. As I got into my car, still reflecting, I shut my messy-bun in my car door. I don't know how I managed to do that without causing myself great cranial harm, but I did. That was really weird. I freed my hair and collected my thoughts.

After that I decided it would be a good idea to go home. So I went home again. But then I pulled away from my house because I knew I would not be happy until I had eaten a dang chocolate pie. Leaving home for the second time without getting out of my car was doubly abnormal.

I instinctively headed towards Smith's, until I realized that I had just been there like 15 minutes ago. So then I started heading toward the university mall because my little fried sleep deprived brain had this thought: "I'm sure there is a grocery store up that way that will have chocolate pudding pies".... Which was abnormal, because I knew there were no grocery stores in that direction. As I was passing olive garden I realized that what I was doing was ridiculous because it was 10:20 at night and I had been aimlessly driving around looking for pest strips and chocolate pies for over an hour. So. I headed back home.

But then I stopped at Maceys... because I wanted a freaking miniature chocolate pie. And of course... I couldn't find any. And I hate maceys. So that was even more abnormal than it already was. I crankily grabbed a bag of chocolate covered pretzels and made my way home. This was the first rational decision I had made for hours.

Halfway to my home I was almost half way through the bag (the kind that has 5 servings). ... and I realized I wasn't even hungry and they didn't even taste good. When I made it to my house.. I parked in front and still tried to eat the pretzels. And then I got grossed out so I took the last handful of pretzels out of the bag and spit out a mouthful of partially chewed pretzels back into the bag. This was abnormal.

But then I realized my logic had failed me, because I was left with a handful of pretzels and no where to put them but my mouth. So I started eating them again. And then I started getting grossed out again, so I once again spit them out into the bag. This was again, extremely abnormal.

And then I came inside. And I thought I should document this day. Because it was so, so very strange. Seriously.

*****

I wrote that blog post last night. But don't be fooled. I spent a considerable amount of time today decoding it in a way that the non-brain-dead population could understand.

Thank you and goodnight.

Four blogs in one.

2011-11-12T08:46:00.000-07:00

What I'm about to show you may be disturbing. Consider yourself warned.

What are these? Why these are mug rugs of course! Which are.... tiny little quilts people make to put their mugs and treats on. I'm sorry... I was under the impression that plates and coasters already did those jobs for us? I apologize to mug rug lovers in advance... but mug rugs are creepy to me. If you happen to make mug rugs, you might as well only make one... because no one wants to drink hot cocoa or tea with mug rug makers. People who walk into your house and see that you have taken time out of your already bleak social life to painstakingly quilt tiny little fabric coasters will be horrified and leave. They'll be like, "Mug Rugs? BYE..." Quilts just should not be made for inanimate objects. Mugs don't need blankies. Someone who makes mug rugs probably also makes quilts for each member of their secret creepy teddy bear collection, which your guest will assume you tuck in every night in before you go to bed. Why does the quilter inside of me think some of them are cute. Stop it stop it stop it.

ALSO. I had to jump-start two cars yesterday. One was mine... One was a boy's. A boy "helped" me jump start my car earlier in the day after I left my headlights on by accident. I was inside my car... getting ready to text my roommates to come help me when the guy next to me started his car. I jumped out of my car and knocked on his window. He just looked at me for a weird second or two and then rolled his window down. I asked if he could help me jump start my car and he looked super uncomfortable and said "I've never really done this" or "I don't really know how to do this" or something like that. Step aside homeboy... I'm an expert. I assured him that I knew how and that I had cables and everything. He popped his hood and nervously questioned my every move, timidly holding the clamps while I was getting everything all set up. Anyway. The jump start was a success. I thanked him profusely and he got in his car and started feverishly texting someone. Or maybe he googled "how to jump start a car" because that was probably embarrassing for him. I am a girl after all... Anyway. I drove home and all was well. Later that night my roommate's friend's car died in front of our house. He called one of his buddies to come jump start it for him... but in the middle of the phone call I was like "uh... One of us can just jump start it for you..." and he was like "Really??!??!?" and I was like "Yah....?" So we went out side and I jump started his car as well. I'm not really making fun of him, but he didn't even know how to prop up his hood with the little rod inside of it. I found it and did it for him, and he was like "Uh.... is that going to stay up?!??!?!?" ... Why does every boy think I am an idiot? Anyway. Both boys were pretty clueless. I thought testosterone automatically developed a special part in the male brain that ensured all men knew how to do all the things that men should naturally know how to do... Like jump start a car... But I guess I was wrong.

Additionally.. I was belting out Adele in my parked car yesterday while I was studying for a test. This isn't really weird for me, but I kept feeling this strange breeze and I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. Whatever. I continued. And then I felt the breeze again. Half way through the song I looked back and both of my back windows were somehow rolled down. Personally, when I sing "someone like you" I'm pretty much yodel-yelling at the top of my lungs because I'm not freaking Adele. So..... everyone walking through that particular parking lot got a special vocal treat on their way to the testing center. Awesome.

Speaking of embarrassing ... Do not suddenly decide to consume large amounts of dairy after going a long time without it.... Unless you are particularly obsessed with the smell of your own putrid "I'm not used to dairy" toots... Because you will fart an average of once every millisecond for the 24 hours following your dairy binge. It's horrible. Learn from my mistake.

Thank you and goodnight.

PS alpha deer mug rug..

Hikety Hike

2011-11-01T10:36:00.000-06:00

Two weekends ago, me, Michlle, and Papa Booth decided to go on a little nature hike to look at the pretty leaves in Adam's Canyon. I don't know how I didn't see it coming.. but what started out as a little walk turned into an 8 mile hike. For those of you who don't have any concept of distance or the difficulty involved in hiking... an 8 mile hike is NOT A NATURE WALK.

At one point.... the elevation change caused my brain to explode and I had to sit down in the middle of the trail because I kept blacking out and I couldn't breathe, but after that I was fine. Well... I was super wobbly, but I was fine.

I was fine, that is, until I fell onto a poky rock and destroyed my hand. But other than that I was fine. Although, I did pose like I was dying for all of these pictures. Ya... it was just a pose. Sure. PS Michelle where's our picture in front of the waterfall???????

Things heard on the trail:

"I feel like I can do anything in these pants." - Michelle

Michelle: "Ew. That is the biggest BEE I have ever seen."
Me: "That's because it's a cricket."

"Leisurely pace Dad. LEISURELY." -Me. Over and over again.

"Hello how awwww youuuuuuu!?!" -As said by a baby being carried by his dad in one of those baby backpacks.

And here's some pictures. They are not spaced evenly because blogger is RUINING MY LIFE.

I really just want to blog about smells right now...

2011-10-27T23:32:00.002-06:00

We were talking about memory cues in my cognitive development class the other day, and our teacher asked us to think of certain smells that cued specific memories for us.

My number 1 memory inducing smell.....

Whatever cologne [the guy] was wearing on the worst date I've ever been on. I don't know what cologne it is, but any time I get a whiff of it from a friend or a random passer-by, I am filled with panic and horror. Images flood my mind: Pina Coladas. Pianos. Dinosaur park. Mini van. Our height difference. Falsetto singing voice. Seriously. Combine all those things and that wasn't even the half of it.

And that was amusing to me, so I tried to think of some more smells that reminded me of things.

Saw dust: My childhood. Home. Dad building things. Unfinished walls. Spiders. Really bad hair cuts.

Alcohol wipes: Every time I smell alcohol wipes I pretty much black out because I've permanently coupled that smell with getting blood drawn or having an IV put in. I feel wobbly just thinking about what alcohol wipes smell like. Seriously, if someone wanted to render me defenseless (you know, like for kidnapping) all they would have to do is hold an alcohol wipe up to my nose. It makes me all dizzy and gooey. And there's a good chance I'd barf. But hey, good luck carrying my dead weight kidnapper man!

Other smells that remind me of my childhood in general:

Home depot.
That cinnamonny smell in most craft stores.
Gun powder. (You know.. from like... when Dad used the nail gun to put in flooring. "Fire in the hole!!")
Grass.
Pencil lead.

Well. That's all I can think of. BYE.

Spider. I hate you.

2011-10-25T10:30:00.000-06:00

I just slayed the mightiest arachnid that has ever walked the earth. I was already late for work when I spotted it, but I couldn't just leave it there. I knew it would be gone by the time I got home tonight, and knowing a spider is lurking somewhere but not knowing where it is is one of the worst feelings ever. It was just so huge. I actually first saw it in the reflection of a mirror on the OPPOSITE side of the room. I could see it's weird feeler fangs from like 10 feet away. I tried to take a picture of it but my phone camera isn't the best at small scale photography. Not that it was small. Anyway. I sprayed a ton of "natural" spider killer on it, and it started freaking out, but it just. would. not. die.

In my desperation, I put a sticky trap on the end of a spare curtain rod and smacked it. Of course it didn't stick, because it was SO HUGE. So then it fell to the ground where it ultimately curled up and died. Gudfjklgkdfkl. Sick. I shudder just thinking about it.

Tonight operation Aragog will commence. I pity the spider who tries to enter my bedroom and live. Actually I don't.

Flula

2011-10-21T18:03:00.000-06:00

Flula. The proof is in the pudding. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Rock paper scissors. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Daddy long legs.

As (native? I wish) Americans we don't really question these seemingly normal phrases. For Flula Borg, chaos ensues. I will not cheapen this with any more words.

Musical Injustice

2011-10-19T10:54:00.000-06:00

So, I decided to download Aretha Franklin's "Natural Woman" from iTunes the other day. I love that song and for whatever reason it's not in my current iTunes library. So I searched for it in the iTunes store, but there were so many versions (vastly inferior, I'm sure) of the song that I was having trouble finding the one I wanted. So. I decided to sort the results by popularity. Surely, Aretha Franklin's recording would be number 1. What I then beheld shook me to my very core:

Um. Excuse me? Do my eyes deceive me? Carole King?!

Don't get me wrong. Carole's got it goin on in a very 1970s white-girl way, but this is a travesty. Carole helped write this song for Aretha Franklin. It was written with Aretha's voice in mind. Carole didn't even record her version until Aretha's had already been out for years. People OBVIOUSLY do not understand that Aretha's way is the only way. I feel sorry for them. They don't know what they're missing.

Until you have experienced the joy of singing along with Aretha's "version" of this song (the only version there ever SHOULD have been...) in the shower or on the freeway or whilst doing the dishes, you do not know what it means to truly live. You just don't.

Shing Shing Shing, probably TMI.

2011-10-19T10:24:00.000-06:00

Alright. It's high time I blog about this.

Most people who know my family relatively well know that we have this awesome tendency to contract diseases that are usually only common among the 75+ crowd. I'll make a short list and not mention any names to protect the identities of those that I love.

Age inappropriate Booth Family Diseases:

1. Arthritis at age 8
2. Interstitial cystitis (a.k.a. bladder woes) at age 15
3. Diabetes at age 7
4. Kidney stones at age 17
5. Various cancerous and non-cancerous tumors in all age ranges.

etc. etc. etc.

Well guess what kids? We can add another to the list! A couple weeks ago I was lucky enough to contract SHINGLES. Most cases of shingles occur in patients over the age of 65. Awesome right?

WRONG.

For any of you who don't know what shingles is... I'll catch you up really quick: Shingles is Satan's version of the chicken pox, and it is a horse of a different color. Some might say, it's a bitch of a different breed. Choose your favorite mammalian metaphor.

After you have had the chicken pox, the virus that causes chicken pox lives for-ev-er in your nerves. When you have a weakened immune system, the little viral piss ants come back to life and make their way to your skin THROUGH YOUR NERVE ENDINGS. I have uploaded a nice little diagram from wikipedia that demonstrates this lovely process:

So basically, you have a fiendishly itchy rash that you CANNOT scratch, because when you do, it feels like someone lit your skin on fire and then hit it with a baseball bat.

It was unreal.

I lucky enough to develop a rash right over my sacral nerves. You know.. the ones that run from your lower back all the way down through your leg. So even though my rash was really little, it hurt all the way down to the tips of my toes. It felt kind of like getting a dry socket from having your wisdom teeth pulled. Except bigger. And hurtier. I could actually see my pulse through my eyeball as my back was throbbing. I don't even know how that is possible. At one point, ripping my leg out of my hip socket seemed like a plausible way to alleviate some of the pain.

AND, my case wasn't even that bad. I'm so lucky. I caught it early and the doctor gave me some meds that kept it from getting out of control. I'm so grateful for doctors. And I feel so so so sad for little old people who have really bad cases of shingles. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy's grandma.

Anyway. I'm fine now.

Another post about running.

2011-10-14T23:40:00.000-06:00

I would just like to say that I think I finally consider myself a runner. No. I'm not awesome at it, but I run between 2-3 miles a few times a week. MILES PEOPLE, MILES!!!!! I only had time to run 1 mile the other night... and I felt like a cop out.

Anyone who knows anything about my physical endurance history knows that this is absurd. ABSURD. I have hated running ever since I was a wee little wildcat who had to run around the field during elementary school P.E.class. Volleyball was my high school sport of choice because it required absolutely no running. At most you would lunge quickly to get the ball or "run" two or three steps. Every time we had to run long distances in "fit for life" I wished I would get injured or have an asthma attack just so I could avoid the awkward and cardiovascularly painful procedure.

I've now been running on and off for about a year and a half, but I never really got serious about being consistent until this last July.

I have to say, running makes me a happier, healthier person. Here is a list of ways running has improved my life:

1. My heart that has always felt like it was three sizes too small is definitely stronger and healthier now than it has ever been. I don't get winded going up stairs. UNLESS there are over like... 75 steps. I'm not a robot people.

2. Running has reduced my anxiety and depression problems significantly, even as the season change has begun to ruin my life.

3. It just doesn't feel right to sit around anymore. Like... ever. I'm so much more productive and on top of all of my homework in all of my classes. I clean my room all the time. It's weird.

4. Insomnia does not exist for runners. Okay I just made that up. But it's impossible for me to have a crappy night's sleep if I've run at all in the last 48 hours. And trust me, I used to be the queen of insomnia.

5. My thighs are becoming less threatening and my calves are gaining some street cred. There is an epic battle going on between my calf muscles and my lower leg chub. The muscles are TOTALLY winning. I wear these stretchy capris when I run. And they look dang good, if I do say so myself.

6. Fat is slowly (ever so slowly) melting from my frame and being replaced with pure awesomeness.

7. Eating healthy is easier. There's just something so appealing about fruits and vegetables when I know that they are going to help me run faster and longer. Fatty food definitely slow me down. Literally. I can barely run a few blocks after eating fast food. My body just feels nasty. If I ever eat fast food for lunch.... it gives me the after-run runs. Sorry. But it's just the ugly truth. ALSO. Frozen apple sauce > icecream. I'm dead serious. I could eat it forever. And I don't even like apple sauce.

8. I actually enjoy hiking. In fact, I'm going on a big hike tomorrow to look at all the pretty pretty leaves on squaw peak. My lungs don't feel like they're going to explode, my face doesn't get cherry red and my muscles don't cry for mercy anymore. It's peculiar.

9. My resting heart rate is much lower than it used to be, and my recovery time is waaaaaaaay quicker. I kid you not.... my heart rate is back down below 100 just 5 MINUTES after running 1 mile. Contrast this with my face staying red and my heart pounding for at least a half hour after running a mile in jr high or high school. Crazy bones.

10. I sometimes feel the urge to run up the stairs or run up a hill. Like, I get annoyed that it's taking me so long to walk uphill, and running always seems like the less torturous option. Really? Yes. really. I've run up a hill or two in my day to get to my car. But only when no one is looking. And I never run to class. I'm not one of those kids...

11. I don't feel right if I don't exercise. I always run at least once every few days. I even ran the week I had shingles. That was probably a mistake. But it just didn't feel right to not.

Anyway. I'm not going to lie to you. Starting to run regularly was one of the most unpleasant habits I've ever had to make. The beginning sucks. It sucks real bad. But, it's worth it. I used to say that I would only run voluntarily if I actually had to run for my life, and even then it would be a debate. Trust me kids, it's awesome.

Dear Mean Note Writer

2011-10-11T10:44:00.000-06:00

I found this note on my car when I left for work this morning.

It says:

"Please do not park this close to my car again unless you want me to ram your car to get out - I am disabled and won't be able to help it. Legally you need to leave 2 feet between bumpers to avoid this."

I would rather this girl ram my car with her car, than ram my heart with her words. I was trying not to block a driveway. I was only there for 2 hours. We were on the street. HOW WAS I TO KNOW?

The worst part is... When I first saw this note I thought it was a nice note from my roommate. I was sorely mistaken. SORELY.

It's happening.

2011-10-10T13:08:00.000-06:00

I would just like to inform the universe that I have applied for graduation. I'm walking in April 2012.

I seriously, honestly, thought this day may never come.

And yes. It's my undergrad. Sometimes life is just hard okay???!?!?!?

Anyway. Yay!

Stale Blogger

2011-10-04T15:28:00.000-06:00

I'm in the computer lab in the SWKT. It smells like a stale washing machine down here and it's making me want to yak.

I'm kind of crappy at blogging lately. No seriously. It's been like a 6 month slump of not-funnies and not-interestings. Maybe I should just throw in the the towel for my personal blog and focus on things I hate on my other blog?

Anyway. Go here and view a short documentary of our family's glorious trip to bear lake two weekends ago. Brittany is a better blogger than me at this point... maybe I should stop trying to compete. But seriously guys. Cows.

The whole reason I'm in the computer lab is to study for my freaking midterm that ends today, which happens to be the second of 4 midterms I have to take by Saturday. Bring it, you academic biotch of a semester. I really actually love school right now. Speaking of biotches, I had shingles last week. I fully intend on blogging about it in all its age-inappropriate glory.

This blog needs a picture... soooo....

Sorry. This came up after searching "omg why" ..... and I searched that because I couldn't find a funny picture. K BYE.

Look what I happened upon...

2011-09-12T23:00:00.000-06:00

You're welcome, world.

First Weeks of School

2011-09-08T10:55:00.000-06:00

I have had so much to blog about an so little time! I've literally started keeping blog tidbits in a memo on my phone in the hopes that I will remember everything I've wanted to write about. So, in my favorite blogging fashion... I will now list categorically the events that have transpired since school started.

Spiders

Mama Booth gave me a bunch of "spider traps" to put around my room in hopes of reducing the spider traffic across my floor, bed, and walls.
The spider traps are trapping. Sometimes I think I'd rather just not know.
I slept without PJ pants one night. I woke up with 3 spider bites in the general area of my behind.
The spider killer spray that mom gave me smells like green conversation hearts, but with a hint of chemical danger.
I am 90% sure a spider jumped onto my face last night. It's sad... but I'm getting used to it. I nonchalantly brushed it off my face, onto the floor and went on my merry way sleeping.
There was a HUGE spidey in my office the other day. I almost threw up when I saw it. Seriously.

Freshman Giveaways:

Some youngin pointed to to the mountains as he was running to class, looked at me and asked: "East is that way right!!??" in a totally panicked voice.
Freshman have not yet mastered the art of anticipating the trajectory of other students' walking paths in relation to their own. They don't know how to manuever the crowded walkways without crashing into people... unless the stop dead in their tracks. I like to think I'm pretty good at avoiding collisions without disrupting my general movement or direction of travel. Freshman suck at this.
Overhearing this conversation: "I've only known him a day. But. I mean. If he asked me to marry him I wouldn't say no." ........... DEAD SERIOUS.............
They crowd around the maps at the entrance of each building... feverishly searching for their classroom. They also sometimes carry around campus maps.

Other School Anecdotes

Only empty-nester moms on campus pull around rolly back packs. But boy, do they pull them around with a vengeance.
I regularly have to climb the 106 stairs from the RB to the JFSB, and then down 30 again when I get inside.
A guy in one of my classes keeps a bottle of liquid white out on his desk while he takes notes. Seriously? They have better methods these days. Also. Just use a pencil.
My cognitive development teacher made his own "Advanced Baby Einstein" slide show for adults to show us how useless Baby Einstein is. It was hilarious.
I love all my professors. All of them.

The End.

Open Letters.

2011-08-22T18:46:00.000-06:00

I have a new obsession. There is this website called "McSweeney's Open Letters" ... Okay it's called something else but it's long and I didn't want to type it. Anyhow. This portion of the website publishes weekly "open letters" from readers/contributors who are extremely articulate and often times extremely bitter. The letters are long, but boy are they worth reading. I almost copied and posted the entire letter from last Friday onto this blog, not because I am a copy catter, but because I wanted to share my joy with you. I'll spare you the wordiness, but I will post my favorite quote from Friday's letter instead. This letter was written as an "open letter to TV snobs," as in... people who think they are better than you because they only watch educational TV or don't own a TV at all.

So to the TV snobs:
"You should probably confine your social activity to sitting in the drawing room with your like-minded friends, drinking sherry and saying things like “tut tut, old chap.” Because the rest of us don’t want to explain to you what extreme wrestling is while you sneer like someone just farted on your ascot."

OH. MY. GOODNESS.

I could not have said it better myself. Thank you, passiveaggresivenotes.com, for introducing me to McSweeney's Open Letters.

I shall never be the same.

Also.

I have read nearly all of them.

Go on. Read the whole thing: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/an-open-letter-to-tv-snobs

Sleep and the Lack Thereof

2011-08-11T11:21:00.000-06:00

Sleep has escaped me for the last two nights in a row.

TWO nights ago, I fell asleep with all my clothes on, on top of my bed, with all my lights on. And I kept waking up every hour... but I was never awake enough to turn off my lights. All I knew at the time was that something was amiss and it was making it hard for me to sleep. Waking up didn't really feel like waking up because it felt like I had been awake all night.

Then LAST night, I decided to get ready for bed at like 10:30ish in hopes of making up for lost sleep time. My bed was still perfectly made from not being slept in the night before, so you can imagine my horror when I looked down and saw a really beefy spider just chilling in the middle of my bed spread. That's right. A beefy spider. It wasn't moving, but it was probably the size of a nickel. I weighed my options after rescuing my laptop from its peripheral danger zone and decided I was just going to have to squish it right on my bed.

RIGHT ON MY BED! The horror.

I very cautiously snuck up on it and smacked it with one of my less dirty sandals. Luckily it died on impact. I then dry heaved as I picked it up with a tissue. There were some spider guts left on my bed spread but it was toward the bottom... and I was desperate for sleep, so I just got back in my bed and read my scriptures. As soon as I was done reading, out of the corner of my eye I saw a SECOND beefy spider crawling out of a crack in my window frame.

I'm convinced that the second spider was actually just the first spider's evil soul coming back from spider hell to haunt me. Seriously. It looked just like the first spider, but it was RED. Shiver. It looked kind of like this:

Anyway. With the devil spider in hot pursuit of my person, I did some crazy ninja roll out of my bed. And then, I watched little Satan jump from my wall INTO MY SHEETS!!!!!

I panicked and started shaking my sheets vigorously.... and the spider looked like it fell behind my bed, but I couldn't be sure. I spent the next 10 minutes shaking out my bedspread and trying to move my bed away from the wall, which resulted in my bed falling off its risers and crashing down toward the ground. I spent another 10 minutes trying to put my bed back where it belonged without letting the AWOL spider "get" me.

I never found the spider. And I was PISSED. I was so tired. I just wanted to freaking sleep in my bed, but I knew I wouldn't be able to after the red spidey went rogue.

I thought about sleeping on my floor. I tried sleeping on my couch. And then I tried sleeping on my love sack. And then I finally resigned and got back in my bed. My half-slumber was punctuated by violent twitches every time I felt something tickle any part of my body. I don't think it was ever the spider touching me, but it kept me from sleeping nonetheless.

Spiders need to go. I feel a "things that must go" blog post coming on....

Don't worry... I made this.

2011-08-09T23:15:00.000-06:00

Out of a bamboo cutlery sorter, wooden dowels, screw-in hooks and hot glue. Inspired by pinterest. Sometimes I just randomly craft. Don't be jealous. But also, be jealous.

WHY???????????

2011-08-09T12:53:00.001-06:00

Why do random links for male enhancement keep popping up on my blog?? I hate this. Now I have to go wipe all my settings because I don't know which one is infected.....

***UPDATE; I found the culprit HTML. But now my blog is vanilla. I'll have to fix that later. Over and out.***

So what happened to July?

2011-08-05T15:41:00.021-06:00

What happened to July?? Oh I'll tell you.

July 5th-8th: Booth Family Boating Extravanganza minus the boat and plus drama.
I bought a car.
I started running every other day. And I have only missed one day.
I lost 1% of my total body fat. I have a fancy scale...
I have been researching/starting the application process for my winter internship.
I have been slowly gathering school supplies.
I saw the midnight showing of Harry Potter 7.2
I went through all my clothes and D.I.-ed a HUGE garbage bag full.
I organized my laundry situation.
I started doing yoga again with a vengeance.
Work work work work work work.

And much much more.

I've been too exhuasted to blog.

The end.