Explain Your Miracles

Dear Ms. Jillian Michaels,

You are one shady and mystical beezy. Your powers astound me. Riddle me this: How is it possible that I now actually crave and enjoy vegetables? EH? And how on earth do you will me to not only endure, but vigorously participate in your merciless workouts from beginning to end? Without stopping. Sure, toward the end there I had to imagine that I was battling Satan for my soul, the conditions being that if I gave up working out, I would be sent to hell. But still. I finished. And FURTHERMORE. How is it physically possible for me to still be sweating 20 minutes AFTER I get out of a cool shower? Hmmmmm?

Ya. You think about that. I want answers.

Love,

Me

P.S. Thank you for my shapely legs and ever shrinking arm fat... you wicked sorceress of cardio.

Jillian Michaels is the boss of me.

I just wrote a huge blog post. And then it mysteriously deleted itself. And I'm burning mad. But whatever. Here's the point of the blog post:

I'm greatful for my body.

I decided I should take better care of it.

I started making myself exercise and I like it.

I eat as much and as often as I like.

and I have lost 6 pounds in 10 days.

And Jillian Michaels is the boss of me.

The End.

You know how I know I've gone crazy?

Let me count the ways.....

1. I haven't posted a really awesome blog in FOREVER. And nothing has annoyed me enough lately to deem that it "must go".

2. I have at least B's in (all?) my classes.

3. I've been eating more fruits and vegetables than anything else for the last 2 weeks. And I have loved it. WTFreak.

4. I went running tonight. It was 30 degrees outside.

5. Jillian Michaels is the boss of me.

6. I did a legit headstand and "bridge" for the first time since oh I don't know... Mrs. Gentry's dance class circa the mid 90's?

7. I went out on a (gasp) awesome date and didn't even blog about it. DIDN'T EVEN BLOG ABOUT ITTTTTT.

8. Chopped off all my hair.

9. Dropped my curling iron in the toilet. While it was on.

10. Bought 20 dollars worth of socks at Ross. And 20 dollars goes a long way at that joint....

11. The boss ladies gave me a significant raise last week... as in, double the amount that the maximun is supposed to be. Just because they think I'm the bomb.com employee. What?

12. I took skunky through the car wash today. For some reason it didn't occur to me that Skunky is about as water resistant as a sea sponge. I got sprayed. Oh did I ever get sprayed.

13. My closet is organized.

14. My legs have stayed consistently shaved for well over a month.

15. I only have 19.5 more credits to go until BYU will have to give me a degree. Muahhahahahha!

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME????

IS THIS REAL LIFE?

Quote (Conversation?) of the Day

Me: I like green apples.

Boy: You WOULD like green apples.

Me: Why?

Boy: It matches your personality.

Me: ..... Because I'm sour and bitter?

Boy: ..... (a smile and a shrug) You're kind of intimidating .....

Me: Well. I am sassy.

Boy: Ya, not so much sour and bitter. Green apples are sassy. You're a sassy green apple.

Me: Ya. That makes sense.

The Bagel Miracle of 2010

Yesterday, something amazing happened, and I'd like to share it with you.

Sometimes I forget to eat before leaving for work at 2. So by the time I get off work at 6, I am a rabid and ravenous wolf.

Luckily, we have a vending machine at work filled with mostly crappy-for-you food, but they are also sometimes stocked with yummy bagels.

Back to the miracle. Having again forgotten to eat before leaving for work, I decided I wanted a bagel from the vending machine. The problem was, the next bagel in the slot was all jammed and stuck. It would be easily solvable, I would just have to keep trying to buy it until the little springs decided to release it into my custody. So I bought one. The springs moved. But no bagel fell.

The vending machine has a sensor, so if nothing falls, it doesn't charge you. Having not paid for my phantom bagel, I decided to try again. By this time, the bagel to be mine was wedged up against another bagel. I tried purchasing the bagel again. As I waited with rapt attention, I perceived that BOTH bagels were ever-so-slowly inching over the edge of the shelf, toward their doom as my lunch. It took a few minutes and a few booty bumps, but they eventually fell. Now, since those delicious bagels took their sweet time before succumbing to gravity, the sensor on the machine prematurely determined that no bagels had been acquired. I got two bagels for FREE.

BUT WAIT.

That's not the end of the story. Since the machine was telling me I still hadn't purchased anything, I decided to buy a chocolate milk. I selected the tasty beverage. As I was reaching into the vending machine to collect my spoils, that blessed machine dropped a gold dollar and a quarter into the coin return.

I like to think that was the vending machine's way of apologizing in behalf of all other vending machines that had so dishonorably stolen my money in the past. Dearest vending machines, I accept your apology. Thank you for paying me to eat lunch. Also, gold dollars make me feel like a pirate.

And so, I officially declare November 12th as Bagel Day. I will be celebrating it annually from now on.

That is all.

P.S. I gave one of the bagels to my friend who had witnessed the whole ordeal. The end.

Vince Lombardi and Bishop Stokes.

There is a quote by Vince Lombardi that my Bishop loves to share with our BYU singles ward. He paraphrases it a little bit, and changes a couple words, but it ends up coming out a little something like this:

"We should always strive for perfection, knowing full well we will never achieve it. But we will relentlessly pursue it, because in the process we will achieve excellence. I am not remotely interested in just being good."

I just like it.

Flu shot Shmoo shot. (So many parentheses)

I got a flu shot. And I liked it.

MOSTLY because I got to exchange seasonal vaccination pleasantries with my favorite pharmacy tech at Walgreens. His name is Mark. And he is dreaammmmmyyy. But lets start at the beginning

...

I'm in line at the pharmacy... and I notice that Dreamboat Cutie-McCuterson happens to be working. I pretty much always notice when he is working. I pretty much always hope he is working. I think he has only ever helped me with a prescription one time.. a couple months ago... (and he probably thinks I am a scarlet woman because I may or may not have been filling my birth control) but even if he isn't the one helping me... he is always dreamy. And he always smiles at me.

Anyway. By some wonderful stroke of luck, he was the next available tech and I just happened to need a flu shot. Our conversation went like this:

DCMC (Dreamboat Cutie-McCuterson): Hi can I help you?

Me: Ya. Are you still offering flu shots? (Said in the most pleasant and charming way possible, seeing as how we were talking about someone stabbing me with a small piece of tubular metal and forcing germs into my body.)

DCMC: Yep.If you just want to go take a seat I'll bring out some paperwork and we'll get you all set up. (Dreamy smile).

Me: Thanks. (With a smile).

DCMC: Alright go ahead and fill out the first 9 questions and then sign and date the bottom. (But he was probably wanting to say "you are the most beautiful virus-prone girl I have ever seen. Fill this out. And then I'd like to date you."

Me: Thanks. (smile again.)

...

I turn in my paper work, and tell him I had to get a tetanus shot a few weeks earlier and wondered if it would still be okay.

...

DCMC: I'll ask the pharmacist. But you should be fine.

...

Waiting.

...

DCMC: Booth? (What he really wanted to say was "Ms. Booth, you have a beautiful name. Could you come over to the counter please?")

Me: Ya?

DCMC: I've got some bad news. We're all out of syringes.

Me: Nooooo! (Seriously. I said that.)

DMCC: So you can either head to the Walgreens in south Orem, and they can take care of your shot, or you can come back at 2:00 when we get a new batch.

Me: Just use an old one. (No laughs had. Tough crowd, tough crowd).

Pharmacist Man: Oh... there's some new syringes right here! Only two left.

DCMC: Just for you.

Me: Wonderful.

DCMC: Alright go ahead and take a seat and the pharmacist will bring you back when he's ready. (Dreamy smile.)

And that was the end of the conversation. It's quite obvious that he is in love with me.

Also... the flu shot didn't even hurt. And I didn't even barf or cry! (Okay I turned into a limp naseous noodle for a minute and wanted to hurl, but I didn't. )

Week

In the last seven days, I may or may not have:



1. Cried 4-5 times. I'm not sure. I lost count.

2. Been called a rockstar by the boss. Multiple times.

3. Worn opaque tights for the first time since elementary school.

4. Kept my room so fresh and so clean. According to Mama Booth, I can't get married until I can keep my room clean. But its cleannnnn. So someone should come marry me.

5. Locked my keys in my truck. In the ignition. In a blizzard. I retrieved them by crawling into the bed of the truck (in a skirt) and punching out the little plexiglass window with my bare hand. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

6. Forgotten to brush my teeth.

7. Gotten lost in the no-mans-land between provo and orem. I have seen the underbelly of this town, and it is dark.

8. Wikipedia-ed tetanus, diphtheria and pertussis.

9. Dropped out of my dinner group because we can't even go ONE meal without the boys talking about crotches. Or boobs.

10. Wanted to blog almost every single day but never had time.

11. Been browsing for a new phone because mine has seizures and creates a plaid-like pattern of seizure bars across the screen every now and then.

12. Curled my hair successfully at least 3 times.

13. Went to the corn maze and Halloween festivities at Thanksgiving point and LOVED MY LIFE.

14. Saw a giant old man in a hospital gown doing laps around the cardiac unit. Giant.

15. Decided what I might be for Halloween. (Antoine Dodson?)

16. Left my headlights on for 5 hours while I was at work.

17. Showered far less than 7 times.

18. Purchased 2 bathing suits online from Jcrew for 24 dollars. Including shipping.

And oh so much more.

I am incredible.

Quote of the Day

"Unless you are absolutely certain you are THE LAST person in the building, don't pass gas in the elevator. Because guess what? I might be getting in after you, and just because you leave, doesn't mean you take your old lady toot with you."

-From this post, by my beloved Brittany

My Happy Thought for the Day

Please note:

1. Her amazingly long and luscious curly 80's mullet.

2. The old man who gives the thumbs up.

3. The back up dancer wearing a bandana like a fanny pack.

4. The way MJ points his toe when he jumps into the car.

What are your favorite things about this video? I could go on and on.