Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Bagel Miracle of 2010

Yesterday, something amazing happened, and I'd like to share it with you.

Sometimes I forget to eat before leaving for work at 2. So by the time I get off work at 6, I am a rabid and ravenous wolf.

Luckily, we have a vending machine at work filled with mostly crappy-for-you food, but they are also sometimes stocked with yummy bagels.

Back to the miracle. Having again forgotten to eat before leaving for work, I decided I wanted a bagel from the vending machine. The problem was, the next bagel in the slot was all jammed and stuck. It would be easily solvable, I would just have to keep trying to buy it until the little springs decided to release it into my custody. So I bought one. The springs moved. But no bagel fell.

The vending machine has a sensor, so if nothing falls, it doesn't charge you. Having not paid for my phantom bagel, I decided to try again. By this time, the bagel to be mine was wedged up against another bagel. I tried purchasing the bagel again. As I waited with rapt attention, I perceived that BOTH bagels were ever-so-slowly inching over the edge of the shelf, toward their doom as my lunch. It took a few minutes and a few booty bumps, but they eventually fell. Now, since those delicious bagels took their sweet time before succumbing to gravity, the sensor on the machine prematurely determined that no bagels had been acquired. I got two bagels for FREE.


That's not the end of the story. Since the machine was telling me I still hadn't purchased anything, I decided to buy a chocolate milk. I selected the tasty beverage. As I was reaching into the vending machine to collect my spoils, that blessed machine dropped a gold dollar and a quarter into the coin return.

I like to think that was the vending machine's way of apologizing in behalf of all other vending machines that had so dishonorably stolen my money in the past. Dearest vending machines, I accept your apology. Thank you for paying me to eat lunch. Also, gold dollars make me feel like a pirate.
And so, I officially declare November 12th as Bagel Day. I will be celebrating it annually from now on.

That is all.

P.S. I gave one of the bagels to my friend who had witnessed the whole ordeal. The end.

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