Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Tights from Ross

I have been meaning to get some good tights to wear to work lately. It's freezing outside but I always wear skirts to work for lack of work pants. Even when I'm wearing boots, there is a vulnerable region of leg left exposed from my mid-calf to the top of my knees. In the fall this was fine... but now it's unbearable.

So, thinking I was being ridiculously clever and frugal... I decided to buy tights at Ross. I'm not made of rubies OKAY?!?

I searched through the socks and tights section for seriously at least an hour before settling on a couple pairs. I didn't want tights that were too see-through, or a weird color, or a weird design, let ALONE the peril of too-small tights.

Too small, you ask? Aren't tights stretchy, you say?

Yes. They are. But there comes a point where the tights are just too tight or too short to pull up all the way..... and Ross is not super keen on organizing their tights by size. Nevertheless, I was fairly certain that I had been victorious.

After paying for my super cheap and awesome tights... I stole away to go home and try them on. What would the world be like if we could try tights on before buying them? It would be a creepy place. I don't want to buy any item of clothing if someone ELSE has already stretched it over their body like skin. Gew. Double shudder.

As I tried on each pair of tights... I realized that Ross had fooled me. The size label on the package didn't match any of the tights. And, I know I'm not just making excuses... because one of the pairs in a two-pack was actually a pair of Ralph Lauren tights... and the other pair was who-knows-what brand.... and neither of those brands were the brand listed on the label. So, I basically searched for tights for an HOUR just to buy the wrong size anyway. Awesome. The other pack was the same story. CURSE YOU ROSS! ... just kidding. I love you.
So... the tights-trying went a little something like this:

1st pair..... No brand.... floral design. EXCEPT. All floral designs kind of look the same before you put the tights on so you have no idea what you are actually getting. I was lucky enough to get some sort of weird tribal-cheetah design. And they were too small. Which exacerbated the problem. It looked like I had Mike Tyson tattoos all over my legs. Sick.

2nd pair..... Ralph lauren.... Fit like a dream. Of course they do, Ralph. Of course. Bless you.

3rd pair... No brand. Too short. Mary Poppins penguin pants crotch syndrome. No Bueno.

4th pair.... Weird color. I thought gray tights would be cute. But.... they are completely opaque. So I looked like the gray-leggins jogger. The gray-leggins jogger is some guy that jogs around provo wearing nothing but extremely tight heather-gray leggings and a shirt. It scars my soul every time I see him. One time he jogged right past me on the sidewalk and it was one of the most awkward social experiences of my life. LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS, GRAY LEGGINGS JOGGER!

The moral of the story is... don't buy 4 pairs of tights at ross instead of buying one pair of nice tights... because you will spend the same amount of money and still only get one pair that works.


  1. But really, I think the problem is just Ross in Utah- I've bought great tights that worked at Ross in TN. I think Ross and it's ilk are just a completely different ball-game outside of this state. Like a well-organized, stuff you actually want sort of ball-game. Come visit some time!

  2. I know this is a few weeks late, but all i have to say is, Nordstrom Rack. I buy my tights almost exclusively here. Cheap AND good quality because obs, it's the Rack. Also, I have had great success with Target tights. Just sayin.