Tuesday, November 29, 2011

This is probably what it feels like to be completely high.

This is a really long blog.

Sunday night / Monday morning I woke up with a horrible migraine. I don't know if any of you have ever been shaken from your slumber by something that feels like a porcupine had babies in your brain, but it really was not a pleasant experience. I was awake from like 2 something in the morning until 5 something in the morning. At first I was so tired that I didn't really understand what was happening, and had no reasoning skills... so I didn't take any medicine for like an hour. It's like when you have to pee in the middle of the night but you hope the feeling will just go away because you are too tired to pee. It always ends the same way. You wet the bed. Just kidding. Hopefully you don't. I never have. Anyway. It always ends up that I eventually get out of my bed to go to the bathroom, but only after I have been trying to avoid it for an hour. And then I'm all cranky because instead of losing 5 minutes of sleep I've lost a lot more trying to ignore my bladder.

Anyway. It was kind of like that. So when I finally turned on my light to find some headache medicine, I beheld a mammoth arachnid building a fort on my wall behind my lamp. I hadn't seen any spideys for a while because Gma and Gpa Booth gave me a no-pest strip that pretty much bombed them all a couple weeks ago, but I lent it to a friend who ALSO lives in a basement.

Long story short, I panicked so I grabbed my aerosol hairspray and started spraying. I felt kind of like Mr. Freeze because the nasty nast was soon encased in an ice-like maximum hold shell. Then he fell off the wall. I was satisfied. I then took 1000 miligrams of generic Tylenol, gave the spider an extra spray for good measure, emailed my boss to tell her I might be late the next morning, and got back into bed.

I woke up about an hour and a half after my shift at work began, but my headache was gone so I jumped out of bed and got to work quicker than I usually do.

I had a ton of energy, and I was in a really good mood. I stayed a little late after work to make up some hours, and then went to my first class which I enjoyed immensely. Right after class I decided to go to the grocery store because I had nothing to eat.

That's when things got a little weird.

For whatever reason, I bought two six-packs of Ramen, two boxes of oatmeal, protein shakes (for which I had a coupon) and some cabbage.

This is abnormal. I think my thought was that I needed to spend as little money as possible, and that I wanted Ramen, but it wasn't nutritious enough, so I bought some shredded cabbage to put in it? Abnormal. Oh. I also bought a toffee almond symphony bar because I just felt like it okay!?

Anyway. I went home and made Ramen (with cabbage) and ate it. It wasn't too bad. That was abnormal as well.

I went to my second class, met with  my group for a group project... and then I went to buy gummy bears in preparation for our FHE gingerbread house competition. They only had sour gummy worms... so... I ate them all in the car on the way to FHE. That actually wasn't abnormal. When we got there, my roommate and I decided to make a pyramid out of graham crackers. I kept failing, so I then spent a considerable amount of time making a camel out of lemon heads, red vines, and toothpicks. Slightly abnormal. But not completely.

I then drove off to target on a whim looking for no pest strips. I found none. I then stared at a jumbo sized lint roller, debating whether or not I needed it, for far too long. No seriously. For like 10 minutes. This was abnormal. Even for a migraine brain.

I finally ditched my cart and the lint roller and went to Walmart instead. Got spidey killer. I got home... parked my car and finished the burger I had picked up on the way home. BUT instead of going into my house, I started driving to the grocery store because I had an intense desire to eat a chocolate pudding pie. This kind:

Although I do love these and have since childhood, this was also abnormal.

Sooooooo I went to smiths for the second time... and even though I had an awesome parking spot... Smith's did not have any home run pies. Since my gas light had been on for an unknown amount of time, I stopped at the smith's gas station sans home run pie to fill up. This was not abnormal.

This is when things got really, really weird. 

I pulled up to a gas pump on the passenger side of my car, but then I thought to myself: "I am crazy, the gas pump is on the driver's side... duh" so without getting out to look, I drove over and repositioned my car next to a different pump. But that felt wrong, because I suddenly remembered that the gas tank is on the driver's side on all my parent's cars... but not on my car. So I turned around and pulled up to the THIRD gas pump of the night and pumped my gas. This was abnormal. It also took me a very long time to position my car parallel to the pump.

As I was pumping my gas, I began to reflect upon my strange behavior. As I got into my car, still reflecting, I shut my messy-bun in my car door. I don't know how I managed to do that without causing myself great cranial harm, but I did. That was really weird. I freed my hair and collected my thoughts.

After that I decided it would be a good idea to go home. So I went home again. But then I pulled away from my house because I knew I would not be happy until I had eaten a dang chocolate pie. Leaving home for the second time without getting out of my car was doubly abnormal.

I instinctively headed towards Smith's, until I realized that I had just been there like 15 minutes ago. So then I started heading toward the university mall because my little fried sleep deprived brain had this thought: "I'm sure there is a grocery store up that way that will have chocolate pudding pies".... Which was abnormal, because I knew there were no grocery stores in that direction. As I was passing olive garden I realized that what I was doing was ridiculous because it was 10:20 at night and I had been aimlessly driving around looking for pest strips and chocolate pies for over an hour. So. I headed back home.

But then I stopped at Maceys... because I wanted a freaking miniature chocolate pie. And of course... I couldn't find any. And I hate maceys. So that was even more abnormal than it already was. I crankily grabbed a bag of chocolate covered pretzels and made my way home. This was the first rational decision I had made for hours.

Halfway to my home I was almost half way through the bag (the kind that has 5 servings). ... and I realized I wasn't even hungry and they didn't even taste good. When I made it to my house.. I parked in front and still tried to eat the pretzels. And then I got grossed out so I took the last handful of pretzels out of the bag and spit out a mouthful of partially chewed pretzels back into the bag. This was abnormal.

But then I realized my logic had failed me, because I was left with a handful of pretzels and no where to put them but my mouth. So I started eating them again. And then I started getting grossed out again, so I once again spit them out into the bag. This was again, extremely abnormal.

And then I came inside. And I thought I should document this day. Because it was so, so very strange. Seriously.


I wrote that blog post last night. But don't be fooled. I spent a considerable amount of time today decoding it in a way that the non-brain-dead population could understand. 

Thank you and goodnight.