Sunday, August 31, 2008

My knee hurts. I'm hungry!

Atchafalaya: noun. A Chocktaw word meaning "long river".

Not to be confused with Atchafalaya's... which is a hole in the wall bar in downtown Provo I happened upon this weekend. But lets start at the very beginning... a very good place to start.

Friday night, I got off work and got right on the bus to go get some prescriptions filled at Walgreen's. After browsing the makeup aisle for about an hour and a half I decided it was time to go do something productive. Michelle came and picked me up, and we promptly went back to my apartment to plan something wicked awesome for the last Friday night before school. Three hours, one phone call and an Arby's pick 5 for 5.95 later, we found ourselves sitting in my apartment, having completely wasted our night doing nothing.

So Saturday, we decided to go out on the town and do something. What is there to do in Provo? Nothing of course, except go to a bar with some of Michelle's already partially intoxicated hair school friends. Ya! What could be better than getting in for free before 10:30 and staying completely sober amongst the smokey boozey crowd? I don't know man, but we were NOT going to be staying home two nights in a row on Labor Day Weekend!

So we walk up to Atchafalaya's, and waited in line (Aka 6 people) to get in. It was my first "can't get in without an ID" event ... so we're all getting our ID's checked... and the bouncer took an abnormally long time with mine. He kept looking at me, and then at my license, and then would squint at me, and then flash his little light back to my ID... after about 30 seconds I finally said,

"I got fat.. do you want to talk about it?"

And he seriously almost cracked a smile... and gave me my ID back and told me to have a great night. I was proud. I sassed the bouncer at my first bar. Mom, I know you're proud too.

We get in, get stamped, and I surveyed the room. It was smokey and dark, and there were maybe 10 people at the main bar and 15 others throughout the club. Haha. It was hoppin to say the least. I got the grand tour from Michelle's friend Kendra.. dance floor, bar, pool tables, fooseball, lounge, and sparsely populated karaoke room. It's actually a pretty big place. So we meandered back to the bar and just stood there lookin pretty until we couldn't stand the smoke being blown in our face by the pre-pubescent looking "male model" friend of a friend any longer.
Karaoke was calling my name.

We went back in to the Karaoke room, where the same weird guy was still belting out some unknown classic 20 minutes later. After some coaxing, I was somehow talked into signing up to sing "I Wanna Dance with somebody" Whitney Houston style. I mean, after the dizzy and drunken spanish ballad I couldn't look that bad right?

So I take the floor, and take the mic, and just start beltin it out. Really though, it was so fun! Then Mr. smokey with his shirt unbuttoned down-to-there came over and started giving me some tips about projecting my voice and he tried to steal my show. I was thinkin to myself.. "Who do you think you are?! I'm Whitney Houston!...(bih)"

All my friends were dancing and having a great time, when suddenly I see Michelle seriously eat it on the dance floor. She got pulled back up by all of the other girls because once you fall over you're kicked out. Such is the rule for drunkeness at this fine establishment. But she didn't look like she was having a good time anymore, and she limped back over to sit down and she had tears running down her pretty little face.

Confused, I tried to convince a drunk girl trying to freak dance with me to take over for the last part of the song. But she was sober enough to refuse, so I handed the mic back to the MC and was like... "um. I'm done. My friend fell down..."

He gladly took over (he was the weird one singing all alone at the begining of the night) and finished out the last belligerent oohs and rolled chords of the song.

I made my way over to Michelle, and we decided it was time to roll out. When I say roll out, what I really mean is that Michelle again blew out her knee and was in some serious pain. We hobbled her outside. I'm pretty sure everyone thought she was drunk.

Good times in Provo. Michelle is recovering, and I made my big musical debut. I was a huge hit with all the drunkards. Don't worry. I'll remember you when I'm famous.

Friday, August 29, 2008


Its school time, and fall time, and football time. Mostly, I like it when guys take me to football games. And I love the red leaves, the coolish air, and brand new notebooks.

I'm really looking forward to being a part time employee, and a fullish time student. I'm starting the classes for my program, and I'm super excited for it.

My life is pretty much awesome.

Friday, August 22, 2008

I got Soul

So. My car borrowing days have been temporarily revoked so that Nicole can have a car to drive for her big transition into college life. What does this mean? It means I am once again a bus rider. I'd almost forgotten what a bittersweet joy public transportation brings me. Ah, the sights, the sounds, the smell of the bus.

My return to the UTA life has been rocky at times. I rolled out of bed one morning at 9:32 and only had time to pull on some clothes and brush my teeth before running down the stairs and out the door to catch my bus. It leaves my stop at 9:44, and the time was now 9:42. I don't know if it was just something in the air that day, or maybe it was my renewed spirit of going for the gold I'd attained watching that crazy A Jamaican man break the world record for the 100 meter at the Olympics. But I sprinted to the bus. That's right. No jog of shame. A full on sprint as fast as I could the two blocks to the bus stop. I was about 50 yards away when the bus started pulling away to move on, but the driver saw me running for my life and had mercy on my soul.

Please note: when you are late for the bus, if you are running and the bus driver is waiting for you, you cannot slow down. The second you slow to a walk the driver assumes you must not want on board badly enough to push yourself, and you are left breathless at the stop as you watch your ride pull away without you.

So I persevered. I sprinted the whole way. I don't think I have sprinted since junior high. For real. I don't know why I did it, but I caught the bus and I was happy about it. Maybe it was the fact that I've been working out every other day that kept me from just giving up and calling in late to work. But, I think this Nike commercial had something to do with it. I've seen it a couple times on TV, and I just love it. It highlights the mental aspect of athletics and pushing yourself. My race to the bus was a small feat, but after watching this clip I would feel like a complete wimp if I didn't at least TRY to catch the bus. Enjoy.

I mean come on, that last guy doesnt even have feet! It's amazing.

The downside to riding the bus? Jerks.

On one of my first rides to work as a car-less vagabond, I did something extremely juvenile, out of rage and my unquenchable thirst for justice. But lets start at the beginning.

I get on the bus, and the first thing I notice are these two little kids. A girl who looks about or 5, and her 2 or 3 year old little brother. They were sharing a bench seat across the aisle from their mom, and they were both completely absorbed in their little toys. The girl had a pink Nintendo DS, and you could tell she was concentrating and loving every second of her electronic adventure. Her little brother looked just as enamored with his choice of entertainment: two sticks. He was clapping them together and pointing them at people. He was perfectly happy. They were so cute. I guess that's the difference between boys and girls.

Then, out of nowhere I hear this drunken sounding man yell out something in Spanish. It was some old white guy just babbling on about something. I kept listening, and realized he was talking about immigration and making all sorts of racist comments and using racial slurs. I looked around the bus. The two little kids and their mom were Hispanic, as well as an older man in the back of the bus. Across the aisle from the offending mumbler was an old Asian man. All of their faces were just stone, like they were trying not to let the chorus of hatred into their heads. They all avoided making eye contact with me or with one another.

The man continued... "I'm sick of America turning from white to yellow to brown and every other color...."

My jaw seriously dropped open in disbelief. Was he really saying these things? Out loud? On a bus filled with people of the ethnicities he was attacking? My nostrils flared with rage. I looked at the only other white kid on the bus across the aisle from me. His eyes were wide and his face was stiff, but he had headphones in, pretending not to hear anything. Maybe he didn't, but I sure did and I was absolutely appalled. What could I do? The bus was moving, its not like I could get up and walk back there and give him a piece of my mind. I really should have though. It was obvious by the time we got to the BYU campus that this man was very aware of who was around him, and definitely, unfortunately, sober.

We came to a stop and I quietly made my way to the front of the bus. I told on him. I told the bus driver that there was a man making really offensive racial comments and that he was disturbing the other passengers. The bus driver was a sweet old lady, and she said "oh thank you so much for telling me!"

I really hope that old man got kicked off the bus. Every bus driver has the right to kick people off the bus who are disruptive. I had to catch my connecting bus, so I don't know what happened. I just can't believe that things like this happen every day. Or maybe its just that I do believe, and I'm extremely disappointed in humanity.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Big Foot ... more like Big FAKE

I'm pretty relieved. The big foot scare was yet another (hoax) by some back woods tricksters.

In the infamous words of Michael Scott:

"Fool me once, strike 1. Fool me twice, strike 3"

Monday, August 18, 2008

Quote of the Day

"Furry Friend Fracturer"

Saturday, August 16, 2008

big foot .. Big Foot .. BIG FOOT!

That is what I've been chanting at my little sisters all day today. Why, you ask? Because last night, before I shut my little eyes to go to sleep, I beheld THIS BEAST

...and hours of nightmares ensued. This is a picture from (this article) which I found on

CNN? Are you crapping me? Pardon my fake curse word. Hoax or no hoax, just the fact that this creeptastic picture made it onto the fairly respectable pages of CNN makes me think twice before gallivanting around in any wooded area any time soon. Here's the thing, CNN doesn't completely shut it down as fake. Like, there is some web editor shaking in his wittle bootsies because there's just not enough evidence yet that the story isn't legitimate. That is what is so unsettling about it. There have been no follow up articles headed as "Big Foot in the Freezer a Hoax" or anything of the sort!

I want to get to the bottom of this. You can't just dangle a grotesque rotting sasquatch corpse in front of me and expect me to sleep soundly at night until I know the truth. Dearest Discovery Channel.. This is something I think you should pick up. Get in there. Get dirty. Have Sasquatch week, whatever it takes! How have you not jumped on this big hairy bandwagon yet? For shame. So this is my ultimatum for all of the 'squatch scientists out there:

Either prove all this business false, or invent the best darn sasquatch repellent you can muster and send it to me pronto. That's not a request.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I feel ya Lilo....

This scene from lilo and stitch has always made me laugh. She puts on the song "Hound Dog" and just lays down in the middle of the floor, and tells her sister to:

Today was just one of those days. Ya the picture is pixal-ly. But its the only one I could find of this scene. Some days you just have to lay on the floor.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Quote of the Day

"Kristin, you can't date guys just because they are chubby." - Nicole

Friday, August 8, 2008

Slim Fast

A.K.A. "Equate Weight Loss Shake"

For the last 4 days in a row I have been getting back into the work out groove, and trying to eat
healthier. This is a team effort. Michelle and I work out every day at the gym. Every Day! I know right?! Its great. And I bought a bunch of Wal-Mart brand Slimfast and a ton of Lean Cuisines. Ya ya... commercial and processed, but its a hellofalot better for me than the fast food kick I've been on for the last month. The moral of the story is: I'm feeling healthier already. Chubby still? Yes. And I don't care. I prefer the term curvaceous.

This is probably my favorite Slimfast ad of all time.

"Need to lose a little weight before your wedding?"

p.s. NO I'm no where close to getting married. I just think the ad is wickedly funny.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Quote of the Day

"She threw up her dinner by the dumpster. Maybe she's bulimic... She's lost a lot of weight... She looks really good!!"

Monday, August 4, 2008

Happy Birthday Steve!

Happy Upside Down Birthday!

"Its not that I don't want to see you, its just that I am reading breaking dawn and Michelle is asleep. Maybe later."

That was my reply when Steve called and said he wanted to come visit me and Michelle, because he was only in Provo for one more day. I'm sorry Steve. You know how girls get with those Twilight books.

Anyhoo, I was about to go to bed on Saturday night... like literally getting in my bed when I figured I should check my phone. Sure enough, Steve was back in town and wanted to come hang out. So I went back over to Michelle's and he met us over there. What did we do? We watched the discovery channel of course. It was Shark Week! After like an hour of watching a documentary on bloody shark attacks, we decided we wanted a treat. So... we went over to one of Steve's little friend's houses to pick up a birthday cake she made for him. We were bringing it back to Michelle's house to devour it, but SOMEBODY insisted we stopped on the way to get some milk. A gallon of milk. At a gas station. At the walk through window. Weirdo.

Happy Birthday Steve. I've never seen anyone drink so much milk in my life. You are weird.

P.S. Steve loves a woman with bulimia.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Breaking Dawn

Yep. I bought it last night at midnight. Originally, the plan was to have Michelle buy hers at Deseret Book (no line, suckas!) and then she would read it and I would just wait for her to finish. BUT as we were waiting in the parking lot for her roommate to make a quick run to Wal-mart, that all changed. We decided it was only fair for me to bust it open and read out loud so that I could be in on the fun at least until we got home so I could sleep. Ten pages in, I was hooked. So we walked in to Wally World and I picked up a book of my own. Once again, sans the 6000 person line at B&N. Excellent.

There were some parts that left me less than enchanted.. some that were just not believable, some that bored me and some that left a TMI factor burning in my brain. Still, Stephanie Meyer is an amazing writer. Even when the content is lacking, I'm so entertained by the way its written I don't even notice.

I read it all. I stopped once to sleep, and twice to pee. My eyeballs hurt. Was it worth it? Eventually. For a minute. But honestly, if someone had just pasted the first three chapters to the last three pages, I would have been a happy camper. enough with all the drama.
UPDATE 4.29.09: I will save this post for posterity, but just know, I have grown to hate that book. I have not picked it up again since, and thinking about it grosses me out. It's too weird.

My Main Sqeeze.

"So Kristin, are you dating anyone?"

People keep asking, so I might as well answer. A couple weeks ago I met a very dashing young man. He's going through kind of a rough patch right now, so things are a little complicated. He just totalled his car, AND his motorcycle, and then lost one of his friends in a freak accident. So we're taking it a little slow. He's been pretty busy lately too, so I only get to see him on weekends at the Provo Towne Center Cinemark. His name is Bruce Wayne.

We're trying to keep it kind of quiet.