That is what I've been chanting at my little sisters all day today. Why, you ask? Because last night, before I shut my little eyes to go to sleep, I beheld THIS BEAST
...and hours of nightmares ensued. This is a picture from (this article) which I found on cnn.com.
CNN? Are you crapping me? Pardon my fake curse word. Hoax or no hoax, just the fact that this creeptastic picture made it onto the fairly respectable pages of CNN makes me think twice before gallivanting around in any wooded area any time soon. Here's the thing, CNN doesn't completely shut it down as fake. Like, there is some web editor shaking in his wittle bootsies because there's just not enough evidence yet that the story isn't legitimate. That is what is so unsettling about it. There have been no follow up articles headed as "Big Foot in the Freezer a Hoax" or anything of the sort!
I want to get to the bottom of this. You can't just dangle a grotesque rotting sasquatch corpse in front of me and expect me to sleep soundly at night until I know the truth. Dearest Discovery Channel.. This is something I think you should pick up. Get in there. Get dirty. Have Sasquatch week, whatever it takes! How have you not jumped on this big hairy bandwagon yet? For shame. So this is my ultimatum for all of the 'squatch scientists out there:
Either prove all this business false, or invent the best darn sasquatch repellent you can muster and send it to me pronto. That's not a request.