What I'm about to show you may be disturbing. Consider yourself warned.
What are these? Why these are mug rugs of course! Which are.... tiny little quilts people make to put their mugs and treats on. I'm sorry... I was under the impression that plates and coasters already did those jobs for us? I apologize to mug rug lovers in advance... but mug rugs are creepy to me. If you happen to make mug rugs, you might as well only make one... because no one wants to drink hot cocoa or tea with mug rug makers. People who walk into your house and see that you have taken time out of your already bleak social life to painstakingly quilt tiny little fabric coasters will be horrified and leave. They'll be like, "Mug Rugs? BYE..." Quilts just should not be made for inanimate objects. Mugs don't need blankies. Someone who makes mug rugs probably also makes quilts for each member of their secret creepy teddy bear collection, which your guest will assume you tuck in every night in before you go to bed. Why does the quilter inside of me think some of them are cute. Stop it stop it stop it.
ALSO. I had to jump-start two cars yesterday. One was mine... One was a boy's. A boy "helped" me jump start my car earlier in the day after I left my headlights on by accident. I was inside my car... getting ready to text my roommates to come help me when the guy next to me started his car. I jumped out of my car and knocked on his window. He just looked at me for a weird second or two and then rolled his window down. I asked if he could help me jump start my car and he looked super uncomfortable and said "I've never really done this" or "I don't really know how to do this" or something like that. Step aside homeboy... I'm an expert. I assured him that I knew how and that I had cables and everything. He popped his hood and nervously questioned my every move, timidly holding the clamps while I was getting everything all set up. Anyway. The jump start was a success. I thanked him profusely and he got in his car and started feverishly texting someone. Or maybe he googled "how to jump start a car" because that was probably embarrassing for him. I am a girl after all... Anyway. I drove home and all was well. Later that night my roommate's friend's car died in front of our house. He called one of his buddies to come jump start it for him... but in the middle of the phone call I was like "uh... One of us can just jump start it for you..." and he was like "Really??!??!?" and I was like "Yah....?" So we went out side and I jump started his car as well. I'm not really making fun of him, but he didn't even know how to prop up his hood with the little rod inside of it. I found it and did it for him, and he was like "Uh.... is that going to stay up?!??!?!?" ... Why does every boy think I am an idiot? Anyway. Both boys were pretty clueless. I thought testosterone automatically developed a special part in the male brain that ensured all men knew how to do all the things that men should naturally know how to do... Like jump start a car... But I guess I was wrong.
Additionally.. I was belting out Adele in my parked car yesterday while I was studying for a test. This isn't really weird for me, but I kept feeling this strange breeze and I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. Whatever. I continued. And then I felt the breeze again. Half way through the song I looked back and both of my back windows were somehow rolled down. Personally, when I sing "someone like you" I'm pretty much yodel-yelling at the top of my lungs because I'm not freaking Adele. So..... everyone walking through that particular parking lot got a special vocal treat on their way to the testing center. Awesome.
Speaking of embarrassing ... Do not suddenly decide to consume large amounts of dairy after going a long time without it.... Unless you are particularly obsessed with the smell of your own putrid "I'm not used to dairy" toots... Because you will fart an average of once every millisecond for the 24 hours following your dairy binge. It's horrible. Learn from my mistake.
Thank you and goodnight.
PS alpha deer mug rug..