Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Word Vomit

Word vomit. It's what is going to make up the substance of this blog.

My life is average.

My GPA is below average.

Sometimes I walk through the frozen foods section of the grocery store, simply because I just haven't met you yet.

I have lived in Utah for 8.4 years and still have not mastered the art of negotiating snowy pathways. If the snow is hard and frozen on the ground I slip on it. If it is deep and fluffy snow, my feet get stuck in it and I trip. If its slushy, I slide around like I'm wearing ice skates. I'm not even talking about ice. Just regular snow. I cannot walk on snow of any type without selling my soul to the gravity gods in hopes of avoiding frictional failure.

Skinny blonde girls are the bane of my existence. Unless they are my friends.

I have a peculiar attraction to men with significant sideburns. Some day I may dedicate a whole blog to it. Where are you, my sideburned prince charming?

I can become a gooey emotional marshmallow at the drop of a hat, despite my devastating ability to B-slap you in the face with witty weaponized words.

I would rather take a multiple choice test that is 150 questions long than write a one-page essay as a final exam.

The tumbling gym in Provo smells like a wet dog wearing puppy shoes made out of onions. BUT. It makes for a great FHE activity.

The more active my dating life is, the less I weigh. Probably because I am an emotional eater. Otherwise, I lose about 5 pounds for every 2 dates I go on.

I keep having nightmares about heavily armed homeless people harassing me. As in, they throw huge axes at me like tomahawks and the such. How they can afford to buy and then throw away their weapons while living on the street is beyond me. I think these dreams reflect the guilt I feel when I don't help the needy, as well as my skepticism toward organizations that claim to help the needy when really they are just out to get your dolla dolla bills.

I don't blush. But when I am embarrassed my ears turn red and get really really hot. Like a Tasmanian Devil.

I have not done any Christmas shopping yet. It is December 16th.

I procrastinate doing my laundry until I have absolutely nothing left to wear. Then I do it all. I am currently wearing swimsuit bottoms under my jeans.

Nothing makes me laugh harder than video chatting with my sisters and morphing our voices until we sound like munchkins.

Ya, my life is average. And I love it.


  1. This made me laugh so hard I snorted.

    You are above average, as is your sense of humor and your writing style. This post seriously makes me think you sound like Jane Austen -meets- Dr. Dre. Great rhythm, but also a very good vocabulary.


  2. hahahahahaahahha.

    especially the picture you painted of an old dirty man throwing an axe at you.