Wednesday, October 1, 2008

That Giant, Awkward Stage

Most kids go through an awkward stage. You know. That stage where they are no longer cute but haven't really grown up yet. I had an extremely long awkward stage, and I was a GIANT!! These pictures recently surfaced on the internet to my dismay. My 5th grade teacher added facebook, and posted the epitome of my awkwardness for the world to see. Okay not the world just her friends. Anyway. Rather than wait for these to show up on some gossip site (when I'm famous) I figured I should just publish them now and be done with them. They are good for a laugh.

First up: Halloween, 6th grade. We dressed up like army girls. This night was pretty fun, minus the fact that my friend's DAD tried to pressure me into smoking a cigarette. Seriously. Her dad. He was our adult supervision while we went trick-or-treating. From left to right: Jessica Souza, Kristen Hattendorf, Miss Fannion (now Fastert), Sammi Fuentes, Kelli Robinson, and Moi, in all my awkward high waisted mom-khakis glory. For the record, I still to this day have never smoked a cigarrette.
5th grade. Behold my center part and giant glasses. (Yes, the very glasses which were stolen from me one fateful day.) That black dot on my arm is just a pre-digital photography anomaly. Not a giant mole. Here I am, same day. Contrary to popular belief I am not handicapped. I was just a loud mouth. I was always talking. Talking during a picture can give the illusion of mental retardation. Its true. Though there is not reasonable explanation for why I was so large. You would have never known I was 10, and that I was actually in the G.A.T.E program. You know. For gifted kids. Hahahahaha! Really. You probably could have fooled.. well... anyone. Please note my hiking boots and brown socks. Thank you.Here I am again, probably mid sentence. Notice my right hand, most likely preparing to put bunny ears on some unsuspecting classmate. Tony Carasco, center in the back row, twisted my arm at 5th grade camp until I had a hairline fracture. He almost had to be sent home for being a bad kid. He subsequently asked me to be his girlfriend. I said no.
Yes, that's me in the very back next to Miss Fannion. We were the same size. But she was like... 15 years older than me.
Oh, the class picture!! Please open the picture in a new screen (if you can), so that you can locate the people I'm about to mention. It will be worth it. Notable faces to look for:

Me. (Top right corner)

Tony Carasco. (Far right column, 2nd down). The arm breaker.

Shavon Morris, the bully. (4th column, 2nd from the bottom). She actually tried to fight me one day. She pushed me, so I pushed her back. She said "touch me one more time and I'ma knock you out!" So I calmly shoved her into a mud puddle. Don't mess. After that she tried to buy my friendship with clothes she had stolen from Forever 21 at the mall. Ink tags were still in tact. I declined.

Wais Hamad (rhymes with rice). First column, 4th down. He was a perv. He asked me every day if I was wearing a bra.

Kristen Hattendorf (2nd column, 2nd from bottom) and Samantha Fuentes ("top" of the 6th column). My BFF's forever. Together with Kelli Robinson (far right, 4th down) and Elise DeWitt (top of the 3rd column), we thought we were the spice girls. I was Sporty Spice, Kelli was Scary Spice. Elise was Posh Spice, Kristen was Ginger Spice, and Sammi was Baby Spice. Yes, Sammi was a brunette, but she was pretty much the leader of the pack. We did not question her authority.

Jessica Souza. (bottom row, 3rd from the right.) She would tell us she could cast spells on people and move things with her mind. She started hanging out with us in the 5th grade. She was the new kid. Also, her grandma was a lesbian and creeped me out all the time. When she came to visit for grandparent's day, we were talking about how the school lunch hot dogs were green and purple, and the buns were always frozen and stuff like that. She then gave us a priceless piece of wisdom. "There's nothing worse than green weenies and bad buns." Thank you Jessica Souza's Grandma for ruining my life.

Michelle Zimmerman. (Bottom right corner) She introduced me to the world of toaster strudels at her 5th grade sleepover birthday party. I am forever grateful.

Rebecca Wynne. (bottom row, 2nd from the right) I'm pretty sure she COULD cast spells on people.

Miguel Rosales (bottom left corner) and Stephen Sokolowski (bottom row, 4th from the right). My loves. They would walk me home from school almost every day so I wouldn't get kidnapped and stuff. We are still homies. Here we are at their graduation. Left to right: Steve, Me, Eric Santos, Joel Decosta, and Miguel Rosales. (Eric is the only one below not in my 5th grade class picture above. He was kind of a little pervert. Can you tell?)If you are in my class picture, and I didn't name you, don't be offended. I just can't think of any good stories right now. At least now no one can google you, right?


  1. oh my gosh. its after school and i had to shut my door because i was laughing so hard the students outside kept walking by and giving me weird looks. you are awesome. i wish you would find a job where someone would pay you to write.

  2. This was probably the most entertaining thing I've ever read.

  3. K, that was seriously amazing. Don't think I'm a stalker...I just saw your facebook say that you did a blog and I just made one this past week, so I thought I'd take a look. And lo and behold...there I am in the best days of my life. The horribly awkward 5th grade. Me in a skort - priceless. I love how you remember everything about everyone. It seriously made my night. Thank you for that.

  4. oh. my. word. this may be even funnier than the giant pink bunny blog. im not even kidding. "nothing worse than green weenies in frozen buns." what the devil!?!? ghgahgahgahhgahgahghahgahghahgahgha. this made my whole entire day. miss fannon didnt like me because i couldnt do long division. i dont know why she liked you.. you look handicapped.

    just kidding, love you

  5. Kristin this is why I miss you. Also, I just cast a spell on you. Also, I feel your pain sister. Wit the tallness and the awkwardness in Elementary school. Also,... nope that's all I've got.

  6. Kristin Booth! Yay, a new blogger buddy. I heart this post by the way. It just brings back memories of California. Yes you were tall, but just be glad you were never fat or ever looked fat due to your tallness. I think you looked cute! The bottom picture shows that you totally came out OK.