With My BARE HANDS

So. Maybe a humming bird flew into my neighbor's apartment today. All the females in the vicinity immediately kind of squealed or screamed while the one guy that was there just calmly said: "There is a hummingbird in your house."



I decided I would gently catch it in my hands so that I could release it back into the wild. I was scared it was going to peck me but I really would have been upset if the idiot bird killed itself running into the closed window it was unsuccessfully attempting to escape through. It was buzzing like a giant beaky bee between the blinds and the glass.

Picking it up was probably the weirdest feeling ever. It didn't weigh a thing! It just felt like I was holding a pretty little bug with giant frightening wings. I was going to take it outside but then everyone whipped out their phones to take a picture. I felt so brave and in tune with nature. And then it escaped from my hands and smacked right back into the window.

So I caught it again. And I let it go outside with one grand sweeping graceful gesture. I felt like Pocahontas. And I'm really glad it didn't croak.

I caught a hummingbird with my BARE HANDS.

TWICE.

WITHOUT KILLING IT.

My life is now complete. Don't worry Mom, as soon as I let it go I went and washed my hands. And I thought of you.

Quote of the Day

In a text message from my dear mother:

"Don't feed Ozzy. He has diarrhea. And don't touch the towel in the family room."

Quote of the Day

"Next time you are cancerous, I would appreciate a phone call."

New Year's Resolutions

Who says resolutions can only be made at the begining of January? I was born in May. I just turned 22. So for my 23rd year of life I decided to make some new year's resolutions.

I want to start spending my time more wisely. I gave a talk on Chapter 8 of Preach My Gospel today in church, and just reading it to prepare my talk blew my mind. There are so many things I could be doing with my time to be a more productive person. I think one of the most important lessons I have learned in this last year is that our time here on earth is precious, and through learning that and learning more about what I can be doing to serve the Lord in my every day life I've realized that I've been a major slacker. I don't want to be a slacker anymore!

I want to be healthier. I feel like I've taken my general health for granted my whole life. I'm so lucky to have a body that has been as healthy as it has been for as long as it has been, and I've treated it like crap from time to time. I'm not going to do that anymore. Even when I'm sick, I have so little to complain about compared to other people who have struggled with serious health issues their entire lives.

I want to be a happier person. In the last year, I have experienced some of the saddest and happiest days and moments of my life. I've finally realized that no matter WHAT is going on around me, I can choose to be happy. I have also learned that choosing to be happy is not just a state of mind, it requires action. Some days it will require more work to be happy than other days, but for every day of my life I can choose to be happy if I'm willing to work at it.

I want to do better in school. I'm going to have to train myself because I am the most skilled procrastinator you will ever meet in your entire life. I could be accomplishing so much more than I've ever attempted to do.

I feel like I'm starting to get the hang of life in general, or at least am learning how to be a grown up, slowly but surely.

Joke / Quote of the Day

What are the two dirtiest animals on the farm?

Brown chicken brown cowwww.

What It Isn't

Yes. I am still sick. And they have run a myriad of tests on me and we still can't quite pin-point it. So we are running more tests next week. I just want to take this opportunity to express my thanks for what we know it is NOT..

In the order that we thought it was:

Pancreatic Cancer (that was just me, for one day)
Pancreatitis (me again, for like 2 weeks)
H. Pylori
Gallstones
Ulcers
Colon Problems
Crohn's
Lymphoma (I know right?)

We have ruled out the above with a lot of blood tests, an ultra-sound, more blood tests, colonoscopy, endoscopy, biopsies, more blood tests, an MRI and much web-MDing on my own. Next week I get to have a CT scan (because they did actually find something funny on the MRI. Silly doctors. Always keeping you guessing) and a hida-scan (they are going to put dye into me and then watch my gallbladder try to contract for like an hour. Riveting. I know.)

We are leaning more toward my liver / gallbladder at this point. Which we should have been leaning toward the whole time.

Hopefully, the CT scan will show nothing and the hida-scan will show that my gallbladder sucks and then we can be done with this "House" season finale-esque adventure through my digestional tract.

End scene.

DEAD line. Really?

I just find this announcement on my work's website very ironic. It makes me wonder if the tech guy in charge of posting the pictures was trying to make a funny. A sad, inappropriate funny. Oh Will.

Quote of the Day

"I had a problem keeping my face away from your face."

Etymology

So, having taken French in high school, and learning about cognates and their roots and blah blah blah I have since been way interested in the etymology of words. Especially how certain words are related.... like... yesterday I was trying to type the word "lady" but forgot the y, and lo and behold I had the word lad. Lad and Lady. Male and female. Related. WEIRD. NERD.

Anyway, today I was trying to figure out where the word "embarrassed" came from. And this is what crossed my mind: "I'm bare-a$$ed"

It would totally make sense. I'm not going to look up the real roots because I just want to think that some crass "olde" english speaking individual invented the word.

On the Radio (OH oh)

I have been listening to the same CD in the car everywhere I go for the last like... 3 months. It is a compilation of some of my favorite hip hop songs of all time to bump in the car, lovingly entitled "The Best Beats". Last week, I gave it away to one of my friends, because she wanted a copy. I just gave her mine and then planned on making another one for myself as soon as I got home. And then my computer crapped out. Actually the charger just crapped out. Frayed wires. You know. No bueno.

So I have been forced to listen to the radio for the last few days whilst commuting between K-town and Provo. "It won't be so bad," I thought. I THOUGHT. I hate radio commercials and having to listen to lame songs I would NEVER put on a cd for myself. And DJs drive me bonkers.

But.

I have made some valuable "observations" from listening to the radio:

Some songs just suck. They are repetitive and should have never been made, and they are usually like, 7 minutes long. Which leads me to my next point:

I miss the good old days when songs were a succinct 2, or possibly 2.5 minutes long. Tops. I like listening to oldies for this reason. I have musical ADD.

Neil Diamond deserves to be thrown into a Mexican prison. Most of his songs fall into the first category. He is not a musician. I have had "Sweet Caroline" stuck in my head for the last 3 days. It is one massive noisy assault on my well being. It sounds like the soundtrack from an epic battle between a chain gang and the brass section of a small after school junior high band program. Boo Neil Diamond.


The world of Mp3 players and cd burners has spoiled me. SPOILED me. However, sometimes the radio is the only link I have to the outside musical world, so I need to quit being such a musical snob. Yesterday I was reintroduced to this little gem, which I could have tragically forgotten forever:

Keep on Loving You - REO Speedwagon (circa 1980)

Thank you, Radio.

FINE.

This is my birthday list. So everyone can just stop hassling me about it. I don't like making birthday lists, because really, there isn't anything I'm dying to have. Like ever. BUT... Here is what I've got so far, mostly things that I'm too cheap to buy for myself.

• Keith Urban's "Defying Gravity" CD. I never thought I would ask for another CD in my whole life, but since the little angel on my shoulder finally whooped the little devil on my shoulder's arse, I started actually paying for music downloads. And I would much rather someone else buy me music... which should be FREE. But whatever. I digress.
• On that same note. Pun intended. I would love an iTunes gift certificate.
• Bling. As in, jewelry. I rarely buy it for myself unless Claire's is having a "buy 10 for 10" sale. And I'm being serious. I don't like to wear rings or bracelets. But feel free to shower me with earrings and necklaces.
• Some sort of teeth bleaching thing.. I don't have like, a cheese smile or anything but a couple crest white strips every now and then make me feel so fresh and so clean.
• I would love love love love love to go to the Brad Paisley concert in September or something. Or, if there is a Rascal Flatts concert somewhere reasonably soon (or far away, whatever.) I would love that equally as much. Because I have never seen Rascal Flatts in concert and I LOVVVVE them. But Brad Paisley would be ideal.
• I need a new battery AND new charging cord for my laptop. I'll buy them myself if I have to, the charger has started spewing out some serious sparks, even though I taped up the frayed part. And the battery can only hold a reasonable charge if I let it sit unused for like, 2 days.

That is all I can think of. DON'T ASK ME FOR ANY MORE IDEAS. I think this is the longest list I have ever made.

All Done?

Awk. Short for awkward. So... When I'm sitting at the reception area at work, I deal mostly with checking students in and out when they come in to take their tests. When they come back to the front with their test I usually say something like "I can take that test from you" or "Are you all done with your test?" or sometimes just a brief "All done?"

This usually serves me just fine, and I rarely think twice about what I say when the student is handing their test back to me.

HOWEVER.

Sometimes, students come to the front desk and instead of taking their test right away, they ask if they can study for a few minutes and then take it. Which is fine. Just dandy.

And SOMETIMES, they come up to my desk and before even asking if they can take a test, they ask where the bathroom is. I point it out, and go about my other front desk business. Now, why would any of this be awkward? Where is this post leading? I will tell you. Because it has happened more than once that a student comes in, asks to go to the bathroom, and then stays in the bathroom for no joke, like 20 or 30 minutes. By the time they come back to start their test, I have forgotten their face and what they were here for, so my automatic greeting is "Are you all done?"

Awkward. AWKWARD. AWKKKKWARDDDDD.

And what's even worse, is when they look at me, and assume that I really meant it when I asked them if they were done, and they stutter a sheepish "uh.. yah."

AWK.