Lord of the Dance

Dear Mystery Co-worker,

Thank you for practicing your irish folk dance moves in the break room while you are waiting for your leftovers to be warmed in our microwave. I applaud your time management skills. And thank you for facing the other direction so that I could film you. I only wish I had started recording sooner. These 5 meager seconds left me wanting more. As you were.

Looooove,

Kristin

P.S. this is real. I heart BYU.

BYU has joined the dark side.

Or, the grounds crew team who drive this service truck have joined the dark side. BYU = Nerds galore. I kind of love it. Behold:

Yep. I saw this beauty walking from work to class. This is on an official BYU service vehicle. How. Embarrassing.

All Done?

Awk. Short for awkward. So... When I'm sitting at the reception area at work, I deal mostly with checking students in and out when they come in to take their tests. When they come back to the front with their test I usually say something like "I can take that test from you" or "Are you all done with your test?" or sometimes just a brief "All done?"

This usually serves me just fine, and I rarely think twice about what I say when the student is handing their test back to me.

HOWEVER.

Sometimes, students come to the front desk and instead of taking their test right away, they ask if they can study for a few minutes and then take it. Which is fine. Just dandy.

And SOMETIMES, they come up to my desk and before even asking if they can take a test, they ask where the bathroom is. I point it out, and go about my other front desk business. Now, why would any of this be awkward? Where is this post leading? I will tell you. Because it has happened more than once that a student comes in, asks to go to the bathroom, and then stays in the bathroom for no joke, like 20 or 30 minutes. By the time they come back to start their test, I have forgotten their face and what they were here for, so my automatic greeting is "Are you all done?"

Awkward. AWKWARD. AWKKKKWARDDDDD.

And what's even worse, is when they look at me, and assume that I really meant it when I asked them if they were done, and they stutter a sheepish "uh.. yah."

AWK.

Maybe...

Maybe a BYU football player came to take a test in my office today and no one was excited about it but me. And he passed his test. Barely. And I was really, really happy for him. And legally, I can't even say who it was. Curse you FERPA! I am alone in my enthusiasm.





Maybe he is in this picture. Maybe he isn't. But maybe he is.

Day Makers and (bum) Breakers

It has been a while since I have done a Day Makers and Breakers Blog... so here goes!!

Day Maker: I totally made it to work on time. I caught the bus. No jog of shame was even required.

Day Breaker: I thought it would be okay for me to wear a skirt, you know, with my warm wuggs boots. Usually I can wear a skirt no matter how cold it is, as long as my feet and calves stay warm. FALSE. I cannot wear a skirt when its 15 degrees outside. My knees were numb. I forgot that not having a car means walking around outside a lot. My bad.

Day Maker: All my favorite co-workers were back from the winter break today finally! I mean, Brittany, I love you a lot. I would be sad if I never worked with you again. But you have to admit... it is so much better with Rebokula and Hessica back. And even sometimes Markus. And Kaley. I luff her. But I could not have survived Christmas Break without you. But I'm just sayin. The family is back together.

Day Breaker: As I was walking back down to campus from work, I completely slipped and fell on my butt. As in... the kind of slipping where the cartoon character's feet fly out from under them and they stay suspended in the air for a second before they crash to the ground. In a skirt. I mean, I'm lucky I didn't hit my head, but I fell full force onto my tush. And it was snowing really hard. So there was maximum cheek contact with a big pile of snow. Snow up the skirt...snow smushed against my behind on the outside of my skirt.... it was lovely.

After regaining my wits about me a nice girl helped me pick up some money that had fallen out of my pocket. Bless her soul. I brushed off as best I could and continued my trek to campus. The snow that had been so forcefully packed into the very fibers of my demin skirt began to melt. Which I expected. But then. THEN. My wet skirt began to freeze. To my behind. And I still had a block to go before the bus stop.

Why do I keep wearing skirts? There are so many factors that can make wearing one awkward. Having to climb stairs with see-through slats, trying to step into a lifted truck or lowish riding car without flashing anyone... Wind in general. Wind is a big one. Wind is every modest skirt-wearing girl's nemesis. But snow? Only a problem if you happen to fall into a pile of it hard enough to fuse the ice to your backside. So ya. Wearing a fitted skirt made out of ice was kind of a day breaker. But such is the spice of life.

This article made my day complete... and possibly my life.

So pretty much all of my co-workers know I keep a running list of students in our system that I come across who have unfortunate names. I'll post them someday, but not while I still work where I do. Because that way, instead of saying "Hey! Here's a piece of a student's educational record I'm trusted with! It's hilarious!" it will be more like.... "this one time... I heard of this kid named ... " Harry Butts or whatever. So to tide me over, publishing this public article I found will suffice. I'll post the link at the bottom, but it's organized in a weird way so it'll just be better if I copy and paste. Enjoy!

"The worst, most humiliating baby names"

Ancestry.com shares the silliest, craziest and downright cruelest names of all time...

What would compel a parent to bestow a newborn with a name like “Tiny Hooker” or “Fanny Large”? Or an amusing choice like “Wanna Towell"? It’s not just Hollywood’s elite opting for unique, embarrassing names—throughout history, normal people separated their offspring from the masses with truly terrible names.

In “Bad Baby Names,” Michael Sherrod and Matthew Rayback, of the genealogy Web site Ancestry.com, share thousands of shocking names given to real people, as recorded by the U.S. Census Bureau. Discover the funny names based around common themes, like diseases (Fever Bender, Cholera Peace), food (Bread White, Pomegranate Purple), pets (Good Dog), and if you thought Wednesday Addams was unfortunate—wait till you meet Monday Monday.

Celebrities

Forget Suri or Shiloh – celebrities have given their children far stranger names! Discover the stars' oddest, most bizarre baby names:

Clementine Jane (Ethan Hawke and Ryan Shawhughes)
Knox Leon (Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt)

Sunday Rose (Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban)

Apple (Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow)

Moxie CrimeFighter (Magician Penn Jillette)

Hopper (Sean Penn and Robin Wright)

Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf)

Sosie (Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick)

Destry (Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw)

Aurelius Cy (Elle Macpherson)

Kal-El Coppola (Nicolas Cage)

Bluebell Madonna (Spice Girl Geri Halliwell)

Audio Science (Actress Shannyn Sossamon)

Sage Moonblood (Sylvester Stallone)

Tallulah (Bruce Willis and Demi Moore)

Kyd (David Duchovny and Tea Leoni)

Diseases

You'd have to be really sick to infect your offspring with virulent names like these:

Fever Bender (born 1856)
Leper Priest (born 1929

Cholera Priest (born 1830 during the second cholera pandemic)

Rubella Graves (born 1814)

Typhus Black (born 1897)

Hysteria Johnson (born 1881)

Emma Royd (born 1850)

Kathryn E. Coli (born 1894)

Mumps Sykes (born 1891)

Professions

With names like "Mayor Bland," it seems like some parents had high, ambitious hopes for their children's future.

Cook Cook

Governor Bush

Lawyer Low

Doctor Love

Teacher Blackbear

Judge Savage

Editor Honeycutt

Mayor Bland

Sales O. Justice

Gamble Moore

Sins

The authors found 149 records for people named Lust, 70 for Greed, 12 for Sloth, and 830 for Pride. Which of the 7 deadlly sins was missing? Only gluttony.

Lust Garten

Greed Sister Mancini

Avarice Sullivan

Sloth Washton

Wrath Gordon

Envy Burger

Pride Saint

Greed McGrew

Pride Saint

Lust T. Castle

Irish luck

Plenty of parents must have thought that naming their child Lucky would translate into a bright future. In 1930 alone, there are 463 Luckys.

Some lucky favorites:

Lucky Green

Lucky Jewell

Lucky O’Brien

Lucky Pleasant

Luck Fortune

Shamrock Hardeman of Illinois

Shamrock Dates of Mississippi

Shamrock Holland of Texas

The religious types:

Saint Patrick Blan

Saint Patrick Forrest

Saint Patrick

The patriotic:

Ireland England

Ireland Green

Irish Sea

Ireland Brew

Whimsical:

Rainbow Green

Emerald Jewel

Clover Field

Clover B. Green

A St. Patrick’s Day feast:

Beef Cooper

Guinness Dack

Cabbage Haywood

Foods

Some parents loved eating so much, they named their kids after favorite meals, snacks—and even condiments:

Lunch Magee
Dinner Ware

Bread White

Hero Brat

Mayo Head

Mustard M. Mustard

Pickle Parker

Plum Sellers

Banana Bowdy

Cherry Grant

Bart Simpson pranks

Bart Simpson's prank calls to Moe's Tavern are nearly legendary, but the sad fact is that some people actually go through life with those goofy names. The following Bart creations all exist within the Ancestry.com databases:

Al Caholic

Oliver Clothesoff

I.P. Freely

Seymour Butz

Mike Rotch

Hugh Jass

Amanda Hugginkiss

Ivana Tinkle

Anita Bath

Maya Buttreeks

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/23631411?pg=1#TDY_Names_Bad

Can you even believe that? They're all real! Its a dream come true. For some reason, my favorite is Beef Cooper. Beef! It makes me laugh every time I think about it. Beef.

Shameful Quote of the Day

"I got these jeans from a stranger. This guy bought them for me because he saw me try them on and said I looked cute in them. He said he would buy them if I would give him my number. But I didn't."

Day Makers and Breakers.

So. Its about that time to list some of my recent day makers and day breakers.

Day Makers:

1. The repair man came and fixed my air conditioner! It was a blessed, blessed day. I no longer have to sleep with a fan on my windowsill blowing the still warm, but not burning, night air through to replace the air in Dante's Inferno a.k.a. my room.


2. Whilst at work, I met the man of my dreams, hitherto known as "dreamboat". No one believes me. That probably has something to do with the fact that I am very easily smitten by attractive guys who come in to take tests. But. Honestly. This one guy came in to take his midterm, and we talked. And I will never be the same. If he has a girlfriend or is engaged, my life won't be over, but it will be the most pungent day breaker of all time. I'll let you know how things go when he comes in to take his final. Because yes, he will still be the number 1 dreamboat at a that time too.

Day Breakers:

1. I stepped on a needle this morning right when I got out of the shower. It was sticking straight up out of my carpet. Luckily, the sharp end was buried in the floor, so only about one fourth of the dull end punctured the ball of my foot. But OUCH.

2. Also today: I boarded the bus, and as I was walking to my seat the bus driver accelerated REALLY fast. My little flat shoes were not made for that kind of stress, so I slid into a semi-split position in the aisle way. In a skirt. I got about 1/3 of the way down to the floor before I caught myself. With a smile and an audible "whoops!" I made my way back to the bench. Everyone pretended not to see, but I know they all did.

Splits are awkward.

3. Hellfather called back the day after he made me cry and complained about ME. He said he would rate my customer service as an "F". How excellent.

A Major 32

I just talked to the biggest nastiest stinkiest A-hole I've ever encountered throughout my customer service career. We don't need to talk about what was said on his end, because I know a few people including a few of my sisters who would hunt him down and seriously murder him.


I mean, I'm pretty good at schmoozing angry callers over. There really hasn't been a call like this in a while, I've even had a few calls that started with someone yelling at me, and ended with them thinking I was their best friend in the whole wide world. I'm that good. But this guy.... oooooh this guy, he made me cry. Bawl in fact. I blubbered like a baby when we got off the phone. He just seriously personally attacked me and my ethics and the way I do my job, and anyone who knows me knows that I seriously try my best to be honest in everything I say and do. I had to hang up on him, after politely telling him that if he continued to speak to me disrespectfully I would end the call. I thanked him for calling and told him that I would do my best to help his daughter get her course graded on time. I calmly pushed the "end call" button as his insults echoed in the background. And then I just cried. For a good 5 minutes.


A small piece of me wishes he would get hit by a bus. But not die. And have a really mean nurse at the hospital who calls HIM stupid all day long. But that sensation has mostly passed.

Sidenote: his last name consists of the word Hell combined with a nickname for "Dad". How Fitting.

I Adore My Occupation

Oh man. Can I just say, that I adore working at the Independent study office. I always have. BUT. Lately, I have been sitting at the front receiving area a ton. Its great, because I get to help people face to face instead of only over the phone. And when I say face to face I mean my face to an attractive man taking a test's face. In the last couple days I have met a lot of extremely good looking guys who have come in to take their Independent Study tests. I mean, there are always cute guys coming in and out, but for the last couple of days its been more than just "okay here's your test its 100 questions closed book closed note turn off your cell phone no calculator allowed use a pencil if you don't have one you can borrow one... and you can use scratch paper or you can just write on your test." That's normally the sort of blurb that I go over with the students, and the test taking experience is usually void of all other verbal pleasantry. Basically they want to take their test, get it graded, and get out of the office.

So, its always a pleasant surprise when a guy comes in to take a test, and makes it a point to talk to me beyond the necessary test taking process. Its also fun when they talk to me, instead of either of the other two cute girls who often sit at the front desk with me. I can't help it. I love all the girls I work with, but I do not hate being singled out by outgoing, funny, attractive men. In the last three work days there have been three guys that have repeatedly come in and talked to me, and it has made my day every day. I'll let you know if I marry any of them.

What Was He Thinking?

So. I'm a tattletale, I readily admit it. Ask any one of my sisters or any of my friends. I half blame it on my talent for not being able to lie when people ask me questions, and half blame it on my thirst for the justice of those who do wrong. It was worse when I was little. If someone said a bad word, or took more treats then they were supposed to, or took more than their 5 allotted seconds at the drinking fountain I made sure they were brought to sweet justice. I mean, at this point in my life if someone is doing something shady I try to ignore it. Its not my place to call them out on their decisions, and if its not harming anyone other than themselves I just let them make their own mistakes. However, if their shadiness affects me or anyone I know, or anyone at all for that matter, I tend to either call them out, or just "tell on them." I think its wrong to knowingly ruin someone else's chances at having a good day, a good grade, or a good life. In fact it pisses me right off. So shady people and cheaters beware. I WILL give you attitude if you copy off of my paper in class, and I WILL sass you if you cut to the front of a really long line others have been fairly waiting in. Other than that, you will reap the rewards of the shady things you do.

For instance.. This student came into my office today to ask about a decision his instructor was making about his course. Apparently, the student turned in a written assignment and got a failing grade on it. SO, he resubmitted it to his teacher, but his teacher refused to give him a grade for it on account of suspicions of plagiarism. I looked up the student's file to tell him what the status was, and his instructor had posted a failing grade. Not for the assignment, but for the ENTIRE COURSE. When I broke the news to the student, he was outraged. "That's ridiculous!" he said and then he went on to explain that he had 15 days to complete this course to fill a requirement for graduation this spring. He asked if he could talk to anyone else about it to get it appealed, but I told him in situations like his, the instructor has absolute control over the outcome. He walked away, defeated. I have absolutely no sympathy for him. And I'll tell you why. When he was questioned earlier about the plagiarism he said, "I didn't know it was plagiarized when I turned it in. My wife wrote it for me"...


Wow.


SO in his mind, plagiarism was understandably wrong, but having someone else write his paper for him was acceptable. Am I on crack or are those two circumstances in essence exactly the same thing? I mean, its sad that he tried to get away with his wife doing his homework for him, but the fact that he tried to use that as an excuse to avoid punishment just baffles me. The instructor was way pissed, and I won't be surprised if the kid doesn't graduate on account of the honor code office getting all up in his business. I'm pretty sure the instructor reported him.

Some people. I don't have any more words.

You Sir, Are A Kumquat

Sometimes at work, I talk to really interesting people on the phone. Sometimes they're really nice and are so grateful when I help them out. Sometimes though, they try to melt my brain with their Jedi mind tricks when they want something I just can't help them with. For instance: Today I was speaking with a man who applied to be a proctor for our tests but was rejected. To administer Independent Study tests there are certain guidlines that proctors and testing centers need to follow. Proctors need to be full time educators, and the man who applied was not an educator. He was an educational psychologist. So when he called in to ask why he was rejected, I was unprepared for how good he was at arguing and making me feel like an idiot. He kept twisting my words, and every time I tried to explain to him that his office was neither a school nor a testing center, he kept challenging the definitions of "school" and "testing center". He kept twisting my words and overused the comparison of "apples to oranges" so many times I wanted to poke my eyes out with my pencil. I just felt like screaming at him but I'm paid to keep my composure. After hanging up the phone I decided I needed to take a break and regroup. In my mind, apples would be representative of a proctor at a school. Oranges would be considered a testing center. This man just could not except that he was a Kumquat, and I swear I almost lost my mind.

Work. Oh how I love it.

Independent Study, this is Kristin. How can I help you?


I've had an average of 7 calls an hour today. Lasting about 3 minutes each. So that leaves me 39 minutes an hour to entertain myself with uplifting activities. We are supposed to do homework, but I don't have any. Or we can read scriptures. Which I do, but I just can't read scriptures for 8 hours on end. I am finding myself in dire need of a good book. I'm planning on buying the complete works of Jane Austen once I get my tax return back. I mean, its only like $16 dollars but I currently have 35 cents in my bank account. I'm excited for it. I fell in love with the new Pride and Prejudice movie with Kiera Knightly, but I admit I've never read the book. I'm starting to look for good books to read, so if anyone has any suggestions I'm way open to them.

Tomorrow I'm going to bring my Joseph Smith manual to work (which by the way is the BOMB... seriously) so that I can catch up on relief society. I haven't been reading like I should before each lesson, but its not because I don't want to. I taught lesson 3 a couple weeks ago and it just blew me away. I've never been so excited to study a Relief Society manual as much as I have been for this one. Almost everything written in it is a direct quote from Joseph Smith himself, and lets face it. He's pretty good at the whole speaking with inspiration thing.

I'm also toying with the idea of reading "He's Just Not That Into You" for the 4th time. It just gives me a boost of confidence and a renewed resolution to stay away from guys I don't need to be dating. My dating life has not been as bleak lately as it has been in the past. Its actually pretty active, but I'm kind of a picky dater. Its not so much that I don't give guys a chance, its the fact that I have my own internal weirdo alarm. Sometimes I'll be on a date, and everything can be going fine but then all of a sudden I get this yucky feeling in my stomach. Its not a feeling of danger or fear, all I can describe it as is a feeling of not wanting to date that person. Its kind of a heightened awkward disgusted state that occurs even when the guy is goodlooking, nice, and attractive. It sucks. But I know its for the best. I really have not ever seriously dated anyone (shocker) but its not because I haven't had the opportunity. I have always turned down the opportunity because I know it isn't right. I've been really frustrated over it before, and I just pray and wonder why I haven't really dated. Sometimes I wish my inner alarm would just let me have fun and date even if that person isn't right for me. However, the answer is always the same. There is a specific kind of person, if not a singular specific person who is right for me. I can't deny that. Its something I've struggled with but its also something I'm very thankful for. How blessed I am to have a Heavenly Father who has given me this "talent" for instinctively knowing who not to date. Its ingrained in me, and no matter how good of an idea he seems to be be at the time, if he's not right for me I know it. Body and Mind. Its hard to date someone when they make you want to barf. Anyway. When I get discouraged because the barf alarm goes off more often than it just lets things be, this book helps me remember that I'm not just any girl, so I shouldn't want just any guy. It reminds me of all the crap I'm missing out on by not dating lame guys, and reminds me of what I should look for in a guy and what I can look forward to.

I Am In LOVE With Working Again

Thursday was my official first day back to work after a long, restful, BORING month-and-a-half absence. I decided mid-January that I just got off to a really bad start to the semester. I was sick and sleeping 70% of my life away. I missed a ton of work and school. I would much rather take spring and summer classes than bust my A trying to make up for lost time.

One glitch... to work on campus for BYU as a non-student, I had to go through an appeal process which includes the BYU staff employment office talking one on one with my bishop WITHOUT me. Weird. Anyhoo, I guess I passed because I got to come back to work!

I love my office. Everyone was so excited to see me. I felt so loved. Its kind of weird answering phones and watching myself do things on the computer I haven't even thought about for 2 months.. its like my brain was on auto pilot. It knew what I was doing at some level, but its crazy how your memory can just kick in and take over when you're doing something that's only presently vaguely familiar. I was so overwhelmed at first, but I think I'm gonna get the hang of it real soon. Yay for money!