Thursday, March 18, 2010

Cuz I'm the Leprechaun!

I didn't even realize it was St. Patrick's Day yesterday until I got to campus for my first class. I was wearing red (the antithesis of St. Patty's Day fashion) in a sea of emerald. How dorky BYU is. Most of the world wears green on St. Patrick's Day, I know, but most of the world gets completely and totally smashed on St. Patrick's Day too. Not the BYUers. We just wear green for the sake of wearing green in hopes that we won't (gasp) get pinched!

For the record, I was wearing green. It just wasn't visible.

So yesterday I was having a discussion with some of my coworkers about St. Patrick's day, and I became troubled when I realized that I openly believed in leprechauns until I was in the 5th grade. Much longer than I believed in Santa, or the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy. After that I still secretly hoped leprechauns existed, but I kept that on the D.L.

My friends and I used to go on massive leprechaun hunting safaris on the playground at good old Glenmoor Elementary. We used to set leprechaun "traps" by placing flowers (weeds) in front of leprechaun burrows (snake holes) that we found around our decrepid tanbark pit of a playground. I don't really remember the logic behind that strategy. I think we were trying to lure them out to just look at them, not to trap them. In reality, seeing a tiny angry ginger in a green top hat running around wearing little buckled shoes would have made me lose control of all of my bodily functions out of horror.

Speaking of horror, Lets take about the movie "Leprechaun" that came out in the early 90s. I had always pictured leprechauns as being about the size of a hamster standing on its hind legs. The movie previews featured a leprechaun about as tall as a my-size-barbie, which challenged all of the factual leprechaun lore previously agreed upon by me and my safari posse. Luckily, my knowledge of the TRUE nature of our tiny Irish friends made it easy for me to dismiss the gross monster leprechaun as a work of mere fiction. I didn't like watching the previews because the leprechaun was ugly and creepy, but its not like I lost any sleep over it.

My older sister Tami, however, lost quite a bit of sleep. She was TERRIFIED of the nasty my-size murderous leprechaun with the lumpy face. As in, she would cry when she thought about it. I'm pretty sure in one instance my parents asked her what was wrong, but instead of telling the truth I think she told them that she was afraid of Satan. Nice cover, Tami, but here I am 17 years later laying all of your leprechaun secrets out for the world to see. That's what you get for burying that little red devil figurine in our back yard and convincing me that you knew where to find some "buried treasure."

It scared the bejeebers out of me when I dug it up. Goo. Shudder. That was mean. But now it's funny. So whatev.


  1. Is that really a picture of a half naked Hoff on your blog?

  2. HAHAHAHA. I am literally LOLing. Oh dear. Based off the title, I knew that this post was going to reference my Leprechaun phobias. BUT ALSO. I recall you being really freaked out about Leprechauns, too. So much so that mom told me to stop telling you freaky leprechaun stories before bedtime. ALSO. I had almost forgotten about burying that devil ring/toy or whatever it was I got from the Fremont Market egg machine. I was such a creep.

  3. i.

    i am laughing so hard my sides hurt. oh my gosh.