Tuesday, August 2, 2011

E.T. and Swamp Coolers

That blog title just forced my brain to picture E.T. hiding inside of my swamp cooler so now I'm going to have issues. But whatever.

I would just like to say that I am obsessed with the song "E.T." by Katy Perry and I don't care who knows it.

...But NOT the version with Kanye West, because he is a dirty vulgar fool.

...And the video is creepy and there is a naked butt at the end.

...But I still love the song.

...Despite this:

Sorry. I could write a whole blog post about that song and video, but then I wouldn't be able to call it "E.T. and Swamp Coolers" so I guess I've made my choice.

I am an awesome swamp cooler technitian and yes that is something to be jealous of and no it is not white trash sounding at all. It is also obviously opposite day.

I moved into a little old house in provo.... which I adore when the mutant bees aren't trying to kill me and as long as I never get trapped in the death sauna also known as the loft. And don't you worry your little face, I pay less in utilities here during the summer than I ever did while living in the wonderful Aretta Gardens. I think this has a lot to do with the heat-sucking loft and our trusty old swamp cooler. Sometimes I wonder if the swamp cooler is actually just blowing mold particles into our 80 year old living space, but then I force myself not to think about it and everything's cool.

The one problem with the swamp cooler, let us call him swampy.... is that he leaks water alllllll over the back porch if the water pressure from the outside faucet hook up is not calibrated just so. And when I say he leaks water, what I really mean is that a pond forms on the uneven concrete of our back porch. And when I say "pond" I mean a legitimate pond with worms and algae. Not acceptable.

So, I routinely have to adjust the water pressure and place preventative flower pots and planters under the swamp cooler to catch any rogue drips and drops. I also have to open a giant, heavy hatch on the side of swampy and peek inside to check the water level to make sure there is enough to keep it cooling. Sometimes I wish I had never seen the inside. It's ugly in there. And now every time I open it I am going to be scared of seeing this:

Which would be my very worst nightmare.

The end.


  1. But E.T.'s so nice . . . he just wants to be your friend.

  2. Ha ha ha ha. I didn't get far enough in the ET music video to see that weird shot of KP with spiky crazy purpleness. I was done when I saw the weird skinny alien that looked like Gumby.