Thursday, August 11, 2011

Sleep and the Lack Thereof

Sleep has escaped me for the last two nights in a row.

TWO nights ago, I fell asleep with all my clothes on, on top of my bed, with all my lights on. And I kept waking up every hour... but I was never awake enough to turn off my lights. All I knew at the time was that something was amiss and it was making it hard for me to sleep. Waking up didn't really feel like waking up because it felt like I had been awake all night.

Then LAST night, I decided to get ready for bed at like 10:30ish in hopes of making up for lost sleep time. My bed was still perfectly made from not being slept in the night before, so you can imagine my horror when I looked down and saw a really beefy spider just chilling in the middle of my bed spread. That's right. A beefy spider. It wasn't moving, but it was probably the size of a nickel. I weighed my options after rescuing my laptop from its peripheral danger zone and decided I was just going to have to squish it right on my bed.

RIGHT ON MY BED! The horror.

I very cautiously snuck up on it and smacked it with one of my less dirty sandals. Luckily it died on impact. I then dry heaved as I picked it up with a tissue. There were some spider guts left on my bed spread but it was toward the bottom... and I was desperate for sleep, so I just got back in my bed and read my scriptures. As soon as I was done reading, out of the corner of my eye I saw a SECOND beefy spider crawling out of a crack in my window frame.

I'm convinced that the second spider was actually just the first spider's evil soul coming back from spider hell to haunt me. Seriously. It looked just like the first spider, but it was RED. Shiver. It looked kind of like this:

Anyway. With the devil spider in hot pursuit of my person, I did some crazy ninja roll out of my bed. And then, I watched little Satan jump from my wall INTO MY SHEETS!!!!!

I panicked and started shaking my sheets vigorously.... and the spider looked like it fell behind my bed, but I couldn't be sure. I spent the next 10 minutes shaking out my bedspread and trying to move my bed away from the wall, which resulted in my bed falling off its risers and crashing down toward the ground. I spent another 10 minutes trying to put my bed back where it belonged without letting the AWOL spider "get" me.

I never found the spider. And I was PISSED. I was so tired. I just wanted to freaking sleep in my bed, but I knew I wouldn't be able to after the red spidey went rogue.

I thought about sleeping on my floor. I tried sleeping on my couch. And then I tried sleeping on my love sack. And then I finally resigned and got back in my bed. My half-slumber was punctuated by violent twitches every time I felt something tickle any part of my body. I don't think it was ever the spider touching me, but it kept me from sleeping nonetheless.

Spiders need to go. I feel a "things that must go" blog post coming on....

1 comment:

  1. That totally happened to me the other night. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something scurry across the floor and had to know what it was... sure enough... spider. I tried to get it but it was so sneaky, it hid and it took me 15 minutes to find the little bugger and kill him! GAH! I hate... HATE spiders. HATE THEM!