Scuttle the Dream Boat

He's got 72 hours. Then its down to Davy Jones' Locker. Then maybe I'll tell the story. I didn't want to jinx it.

Spicy Mole??

So, there's this sign on the front of the Del Taco building, and we were driving past it one day...

Michelle: "Ew? Spicy Mole??? Who wants to eat that?"

Me: "Its probably pronounced 'mo-ley' like guacamole..."

But its just more fun to say spicy mole. So, after we drove past Del Taco we went into McDonald's and the guy working at the cash register had a giant nasty hairy mole on his neck. The hair was like 2 inches long, and it was pointing upward!!

He had a spicy mole. That is our new term for hairy moles. And it makes me want to vomit every time.

Yes yes, I say extremely awkward things.

So. There's this guy in my ward. And he has an almost fiance, and he is always missing in action for ward functions. So tonight at ward prayer, this guy was there. And so, we had our ward prayer and ward spotlight and the "service chicken". The service chicken is a rubber chicken we pass around the ward and whoever has the chicken that week has to do some extra service and then share it at ward prayer. Weird. We also have a missionary egg to the same effect. I don't know what the obsession with poultry is. Anyway. Back to the awkward.

After everyone started wandering back to the apartment in charge of providing treats, the people behind me were having a heart to heart, and then Mr. Always Missing from church functions said aloud:

"Ya, so I dumped her on Tuesday!"

Me: "What?" as I whirled around, obviously eavesdropping.

Guy: Blank Stare.

Me: Realizing that Guy and I had never really talked to eachother. I only heard stories of his fiance from his roommates.

Guy: "What?"

Me Again: "Oh what? Nevermind." as I turned around and continued toward the treats.

Awkward. Party of fifteen. It was awesome.

Operation Dream Boat

In full swing. Over and out.

The List

Most single girls have a list. You know. The list. The list your Young Women's leader made you write every time there was a lesson on eternal marriage. The list I'm sometimes ashamed to write down unless someone makes it an assignment, because that would just make me feel like a silly idealistic girl. Writing the list by myself, imagining what life will be like when I find a guy matching every major point on my list...Why don't I just put my hair in curlers and watch a chick flick in my bunny slippers while I'm at it?

Then, when someone finally convinces to make a list on the spot, I kind of freeze. Do I really mean what I'm writing? Am I writing these qualities down because i can't help but see the laurel next to me sprawling them in huge letters all over her page in pink doodly writing whilst dotting her i's with hearts? Are they Sunday School answers or are they things I really truly have thought through?

I have never really made a full honest to goodness list worth keeping around. I don't have one tucked away somewhere in my scriptures or journal. Maybe I'm so lame at dating because I'm not looking. I don't even know what I'm looking for, so of course I'm not finding it.

What Have You Done With My Name?

So... today at work I got a letter. Not just any letter. A letter from an INMATE. Some of our independent study students are prisoners who are furthering their education, and we're all for that.


BUT. This one inmate wrote in to the front desk asking a pretty generic customer service question. SO. I wrote him back. And not thinking, signed my last name. This is something I always have to do, because there are two Kristins in my office. I usually don't think about it. Maybe this time I should have. OOPS. I figured it would only be like a one time deal, and didn't give it any thought. That was back in March.

He wrote to us again, and this time ADDRESSED his letter to me. Shudder. What have I done?. I reluctantly opened the letter, skimming over the caution on the prison envelope that reads as follows:

THIS WAS MAILED BY AN
OFFENDER CONFINED AT A
WASHINGTON STATE DEPT OF
CORRECTIONS FACILITY. ITS
CONTENTS MAY BE UNCENSORED.


It wasn't a creepy letter, just another regular student concern about changing his address because he got transferred to a different facility. I don't know. Something about it just unnerved me. He's really nice, and I've been pretty awesome at helping him out. But ya know... he's in prison for a reason. So now that this guy has my full name and place of employment, my mind started to wander and now I'm a little paranoid. I don't know if I should be nice to him or mean to him. Its not my place to judge, but I just don't want him getting out of jail and coming to thank me. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have nightmares about it. Because then if I'm rude to him, I don't want him getting out of jail and murdering me. But then AGAIN... what if he just like, forged a check or something? Then I don't really have to worry.

So I had this burning desire to find out what he was in for. SO I decided to play detective and look up his public records online. Bad idea. My little pen pal has no less than NINE. Count them 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 counts of sex crimes divided between child molestation in the second degree and child rape in the the first degree.

So. I'm having kind of an anxiety attack over it. So, my friend at work and I decided to google my name and see what came up. You know. See if my prisoner friend could in any way find me when he got out with my name. Turns out, Kristin Booth is a popular Canadian actress.

She is kind of a ho. Not a total ho, but she kinda looks ho-ish. She has her own website. www.kristinbooth.net . Its kind of funny. Except she has ruined my name, and if I ever become famous, there will be two of us, and I'm going to have to battle her.

Photoshop or not, It brings me pure beautiful joy.

Can it be?

While I was driving home tonight, I turned on the AC in my car and it smelled like summer/fall outside! It smelled like a hay field. I'm so excited for fall I could basically explode. It is my very favorite season. I like it more than all the other seasons combined. If fall were a guy, I would marry it. If I had the choice between being a millionaire or having fall year round, I would really rather just have it be fall all the time. I don't know why. I just love it.

Minty Goodness

Yes, Rebecca, I am shamefully stealing your blog idea. I started to write a huuuge comment on your toothpaste blog, and then decided that was annoying. So I'm making it a blog of my own. At least now everyone will be annoyed.

I heart Crest Clean Mint toothpaste with extra whitening. I carry a tube with me wherever I take my toothbrush, because I would rather die than use any other kind. Okay that would be ridiculous for me to say. But I would rather go without brushing than use any other toothpaste. And THAT would make everyone else want to die.

Its just a precious commodity for me. Its super duper minty and leaves your mouth feeling sooo so clean! I got a little miffed on our family vacation to the grand canyon because I suspected everyone was jealous of my toothpaste, and my fears were not unfounded. Everyone used up the very last of my precious tube.

Day Makers and Breakers.

So. Its about that time to list some of my recent day makers and day breakers.

Day Makers:

1. The repair man came and fixed my air conditioner! It was a blessed, blessed day. I no longer have to sleep with a fan on my windowsill blowing the still warm, but not burning, night air through to replace the air in Dante's Inferno a.k.a. my room.


2. Whilst at work, I met the man of my dreams, hitherto known as "dreamboat". No one believes me. That probably has something to do with the fact that I am very easily smitten by attractive guys who come in to take tests. But. Honestly. This one guy came in to take his midterm, and we talked. And I will never be the same. If he has a girlfriend or is engaged, my life won't be over, but it will be the most pungent day breaker of all time. I'll let you know how things go when he comes in to take his final. Because yes, he will still be the number 1 dreamboat at a that time too.

Day Breakers:

1. I stepped on a needle this morning right when I got out of the shower. It was sticking straight up out of my carpet. Luckily, the sharp end was buried in the floor, so only about one fourth of the dull end punctured the ball of my foot. But OUCH.

2. Also today: I boarded the bus, and as I was walking to my seat the bus driver accelerated REALLY fast. My little flat shoes were not made for that kind of stress, so I slid into a semi-split position in the aisle way. In a skirt. I got about 1/3 of the way down to the floor before I caught myself. With a smile and an audible "whoops!" I made my way back to the bench. Everyone pretended not to see, but I know they all did.

Splits are awkward.

3. Hellfather called back the day after he made me cry and complained about ME. He said he would rate my customer service as an "F". How excellent.

NEXT

Okay, I do not like MTV. That may have been a lie. I do not RESPECT it though. Ya, its good for mind numbing idle entertainment, and sometimes they have great shows... like... America's Best Dance Crew! But mostly the MTV time filler shows are just garbage.

I was home sick today, and was seriously bored out of my cabasa and Law and Order wasn't on ...

(any one else think Stabler is dreamy??) So I turned to MTV and let all my constructive thoughts slip away. I was watching NEXT, you know.. the show where one dater has a choice of 5 different dates, but only one at a time. SO if they don't like the first girl to walk off the NEXT bus, they say "NEXT!" in a super annoying tone and the rejected date has to walk back to the bus to tell the next girl its her turn.

Anyway... during this episode I watched, only one out of the 5 girls were typical MTV skinny. The rest were actually normal sized girls and I was impressed. They had some meat on their bones and were not a size 2. They weren't obese either. They were just normal, every day sized girls for once. Yay!

My inner celebration of normalcy was short lived though. The jerk man who was the main dater instantly nexted two of the girls after only looking at them. They were barely off the bus before he sent them back. And these girls were gorgeous! By the third girl, he made her change into a spandex body suit and do an obstacle course. She didn't finish fast enough, so he nexted her after one minute. The next girl came out, again normal sized, and she didn't even get to do the obstacle course before he nexted her. She changed into the body suit, and he looked at her from head to toe, and screamed "NEXT!" in her face.

Now, there are only 5 girls total, and this guy burned through the first four in the first 5 minutes of the show. So the last candidate showed up, and she was super duper skinny, but super duper annoying. It didn't even matter. He gladly went on the date with her. The guy kept trying to make small talk, and he was way lame. So, the girl tried to salvage the conversation and asked him what kind of girls he liked. Because so far, he didn't like any of the gorgeous girls on the bus.

He then said "I like small girls"

How small?

"Really small. Like 4'11'' and 90 pounds."

He then pointed out that the girl on the date with him didn't fit those perameters either, and he nexted her too. Yep. He nexted all 5 girls for not being "small" enough for him.

I seriously want to punch this guy's lights out. I'm sorry, but most women aren't 4'11'' and 90 pounds. It sounds like he wants to date a 10 year old instead. Which makes him a pedophile. I swear, does it creep anyone else out when bigger guys date teensy tiny girls? I mean, I get it. Everyone has different physical preferences, but when guys want to date girls they can carry like a baby with one arm it just gives me the quillies. Please pronounce that "kwill-ease".

Dream Boat.

That's all I'm gonna say.

A Major 32

I just talked to the biggest nastiest stinkiest A-hole I've ever encountered throughout my customer service career. We don't need to talk about what was said on his end, because I know a few people including a few of my sisters who would hunt him down and seriously murder him.


I mean, I'm pretty good at schmoozing angry callers over. There really hasn't been a call like this in a while, I've even had a few calls that started with someone yelling at me, and ended with them thinking I was their best friend in the whole wide world. I'm that good. But this guy.... oooooh this guy, he made me cry. Bawl in fact. I blubbered like a baby when we got off the phone. He just seriously personally attacked me and my ethics and the way I do my job, and anyone who knows me knows that I seriously try my best to be honest in everything I say and do. I had to hang up on him, after politely telling him that if he continued to speak to me disrespectfully I would end the call. I thanked him for calling and told him that I would do my best to help his daughter get her course graded on time. I calmly pushed the "end call" button as his insults echoed in the background. And then I just cried. For a good 5 minutes.


A small piece of me wishes he would get hit by a bus. But not die. And have a really mean nurse at the hospital who calls HIM stupid all day long. But that sensation has mostly passed.

Sidenote: his last name consists of the word Hell combined with a nickname for "Dad". How Fitting.

Best Movie Moments Ever

So, my family (minus dad) always talks about their favorite mushy movies scenes, and how we should burn them all together and make one huge mushy dvd full of the cute heart warming tear jerking chick flick scenes we all love. I recently saw "sydney white" for the first time, and besides LOVING IT, I found a new favorite mushy scene. And it inspired me to post a collection of my favorite chick flick moments ever. Booth girls, and girlfriends, (and steve?) enjoy!

My Newest favorite movie moment, even though its backward for some reason:



and this is one of my all time favorites: gilbert blithe is so attractive:



My Best Friend's Wedding:



And oh, one of THE BEST:



Blurry, but you get the idea.



Oh Heath Ledger... you lady killer:



Please ignore the language dubbing. Its weird:



Oh you know... serendipity-dipity-ity?....



Romeo + Juliet: Kind of a montage, and no words (lame) but its the only clip I could find NOT in spanish...



Pride and Prejudice... Yay!



I really wish James McAvoy would have rescued me from a couple dates... "becoming Jane" style...



Oh ya... and this one. P&P is the bomb.



And This list wouldnt be complete without Never Been Kissed... but i can't find a good freaking clip. I'll have to find one and update this.

That is enough for now. Who needs boyfriends.

"Any of you, who wanna be a can't hack it panty waist, who wears his mama's bra... raise your hand"

I Am Baking Like a Toasted Cheeser. Its too HOTTTT!!!

My room is about 90 degrees right now. Our AC is busted, and I'm about to bust somebody's face. I seriously cannot inhabit my room during daylight hours unless I am laying on my bed and completely still, with my fan pointed right at me. Its like I'm in a coma in Satan's Hell hospital.

I Adore My Occupation

Oh man. Can I just say, that I adore working at the Independent study office. I always have. BUT. Lately, I have been sitting at the front receiving area a ton. Its great, because I get to help people face to face instead of only over the phone. And when I say face to face I mean my face to an attractive man taking a test's face. In the last couple days I have met a lot of extremely good looking guys who have come in to take their Independent Study tests. I mean, there are always cute guys coming in and out, but for the last couple of days its been more than just "okay here's your test its 100 questions closed book closed note turn off your cell phone no calculator allowed use a pencil if you don't have one you can borrow one... and you can use scratch paper or you can just write on your test." That's normally the sort of blurb that I go over with the students, and the test taking experience is usually void of all other verbal pleasantry. Basically they want to take their test, get it graded, and get out of the office.

So, its always a pleasant surprise when a guy comes in to take a test, and makes it a point to talk to me beyond the necessary test taking process. Its also fun when they talk to me, instead of either of the other two cute girls who often sit at the front desk with me. I can't help it. I love all the girls I work with, but I do not hate being singled out by outgoing, funny, attractive men. In the last three work days there have been three guys that have repeatedly come in and talked to me, and it has made my day every day. I'll let you know if I marry any of them.