Does anyone else find themselves mildly attracted to Dwight Schrute? He's just so awkward and weird. And funny. In one episode of The Office, he dressed up like Jim, and he was not excruciatingly ugly my friends. Anyway. I'm much more enamored with the things he says than anything else.
Here are some of the best Dwight moments of all time:
"I am NOT a security threat. And my middle name is KURT. Not FART. "
"So you're PMSing pretty bad huh..."
"Every day for eight years I have brought pepper spray to work, and every day for eight years I have been laughed at. Well. Who's laughing now?"
"Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I’m looking forward to. It’s an Amish technique. It’s like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna. "
"I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth, is a submission signal in primates. Once someone smiles at me, All I see a chimpanzee begging for it's life."
"How would I describe myself? Three words — hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer. Merciless. Insatiable. "
"Once I’m officially regional manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified. "
"Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, Television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe. Ryan started the fire!"
"I am not a hero. I am a mere defender of the office. You know who's a real hero? Hiro, from Heroes. That's a hero. "
"No, don’t call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the commissioner, and take off their glasses and change into capes, and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes. "
"A 30-year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people. "